Sex in chapters and verses

In Genesis 19:30-36, Lot is drunk, and has drunken sex in a cave… with his daughters. The alcohol in this case is wine, which raises the question: how much wine do you have to drink before you became oblivious to the fact that you were having sex with your daughter … a second time?
In Genesis 29: 21-28, Jacob had taken a job where he was to be paid entirely in woman. His boss, Laban, promised his daughter Rachel in exchange for seven years of work. After the seven years, Laban pulled a fast one and swapped in his ugly daughter, Leah, instead. Then somehow, the bible which is the word of God, throws in a maid for a foursome.
In Judah 38:8-10, God is watching two people fornicate and gives tips on where to shoot the load. Now there’s something a woman can never forget. You’re getting busy with your husband’s brother, he pulls out and squirts on the ground, and promptly gets slain by the LORD.
In Gen. 38:15-16, we find the definition of an honest mistake. “I thought she was a prostitute, but she was my daughter-in-law!
Solomon’s Song, which is creatively titled Song of Solomon, was mostly about ta-tas, boobies, milk jugs, baby’s pub. The whole thing was pretty much “Titties, titties, I love titties.” The references can be seen in 1:13, and 2:6, and 4:5, and 4:16, and 5:4, and 7:7-8 … and 8:10…
In Genesis 6:4, apparently mankind was first experimenting with just how creepy and weird sex could get. But probably nothing in the book tops what happens then, kind of like sexual motor-boating (playing air guitar, but with sex).
Genesis 5:32 And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japhteth. This should be in the Guinness Book of world records. Apparently, they didn’t use a cue stick in those days, they play pool with a rope.

 

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