Rapture news

After fasting for 40 days and 40 nights, several donations and countless prayers, I received a prophecy from the Holy Spirit with the following advice: “Jesus just lost his pilot license, he is not coming back… The mother ship also ran out of fuel… Therefore the Rapture has been aborted. Do not flap your arms, I repeat, do not flap your arms like buzzards and fly to meet Jesus on cloud nine, the one that feels like Charmin. Please take your spaceship tickets back to church for a full refund of your tithes.”

 

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