I am not fond of people who insist on deciding and speaking for me. At my age, I don’t need anyone to decide what I should think and do. So, Christians should think before they tell me that I should pray or repent.
This morning, I received a visit from 2 Jehovah’s witnesses who wanted to talk to me about God and the bible. I politely told them that I didn’t feel like wasting time on fairy tales, unicorn, talking snake or ass, dragon or cockatrice. They were quick to tell me that I was wrong to take the bible literally, and I should let them explain things to me. Since I knew the bible a lot better than they did, I told them: “So when your God said thou shall not steal and thou shall not kill, he really meant don’t walk and chew gum at the same time”. As they were enjoying a speechless moment, because I wanted to leave them on a positive note, I happily added: “I need your God and his bible like a fish needs a bicycle and a helmet”.
The authors of the bible were blooming idiots who couldn’t even get their stories straight; and if they were inspired by their God, then he is an idiot too.
We now use a flat screen TV, a laptop and smart phone, the time has come to update our brains and delete an inane and outdated religion which is based on the hallucinations of a few 2000 years old goat herders who placed the beginning of a flat world at only 6022 years ago. The Christian God works in delirious ways.
I am a human being. I am not a sheep, I don’t need a shepherd; I am not a fish, I don’t need a fisherman; I am not a piece of bread, I don’t need to be multiplied; I am not a sinner, I don’t need a Savior. I am a human being. I am not going in anyone’s slaughterhouse, frying pan, basket or heaven. Oh, hell no.