There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Among them:
-Genesis 49:1 And Jacob called unto his sons, and said, Gather yourselves together, that I may tell you that which shall befall you in the last days.2 Gather yourselves together, and hear, ye sons of Jacob; and hearken unto Israel your father.3 Reuben, thou art my firstborn, my might, and the beginning of my strength, the excellency of dignity, and the excellency of power:4 Unstable as water, thou shalt not excel; because thou wentest up to thy father’s bed; then defiledst thou it: he went up to my couch.5 Simeon and Levi are brethren; instruments of cruelty are in their habitations.6 O my soul, come not thou into their secret; unto their assembly, mine honour, be not thou united: for in their anger they slew a man, and in their selfwill they digged down a wall.7 Cursed be their anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel: I will divide them in Jacob, and scatter them in Israel.8 Judah, thou art he whom thy brethren shall praise: thy hand shall be in the neck of thine enemies; thy father’s children shall bow down before thee.9 Judah is a lion’s whelp: from the prey, my son, thou art gone up: he stooped down, he couched as a lion, and as an old lion; who shall rouse him up?10 The sceptre shall not depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from between his feet, until Shiloh come; and unto him shall the gathering of the people be.11 Binding his foal unto the vine, and his ass’s colt unto the choice vine; he washed his garments in wine, and his clothes in the blood of grapes:12 His eyes shall be red with wine, and his teeth white with milk.13 Zebulun shall dwell at the haven of the sea; and he shall be for an haven of ships; and his border shall be unto Zidon.14 Issachar is a strong ass couching down between two burdens:15 And he saw that rest was good, and the land that it was pleasant; and bowed his shoulder to bear, and became a servant unto tribute.16 Dan shall judge his people, as one of the tribes of Israel.17 Dan shall be a serpent by the way, an adder in the path, that biteth the horse heels, so that his rider shall fall backward.18 I have waited for thy salvation, O LORD.19 Gad, a troop shall overcome him: but he shall overcome at the last.20 Out of Asher his bread shall be fat, and he shall yield royal dainties.21 Naphtali is a hind let loose: he giveth goodly words.22 Joseph is a fruitful bough, even a fruitful bough by a well; whose branches run over the wall:23 The archers have sorely grieved him, and shot at him, and hated him:24 But his bow abode in strength, and the arms of his hands were made strong by the hands of the mighty God of Jacob; (from thence is the shepherd, the stone of Israel:)25 Even by the God of thy father, who shall help thee; and by the Almighty, who shall bless thee with blessings of heaven above, blessings of the deep that lieth under, blessings of the breasts, and of the womb:26 The blessings of thy father have prevailed above the blessings of my progenitors unto the utmost bound of the everlasting hills: they shall be on the head of Joseph, and on the crown of the head of him that was separate from his brethren.27 Benjamin shall ravin as a wolf: in the morning he shall devour the prey, and at night he shall divide the spoil.28 All these are the twelve tribes of Israel: and this is it that their father spake unto them, and blessed them; every one according to his blessing he blessed them.
(The fathers of the twelve tribes of Israel are: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Zebulun, Issachar, Dan, Gad, Asher, Naphtali, Joseph, and Benjamin.)
-Revelation 7:4 And I heard the number of them which were sealed: and there were sealed an hundred and forty and four thousand of all the tribes of the children of Israel.5 Of the tribe of Juda were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Reuben were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Gad were sealed twelve thousand.6 Of the tribe of Aser were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Nepthalim were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Manasses were sealed twelve thousand.7 Of the tribe of Simeon were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Levi were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Issachar were sealed twelve thousand.8 Of the tribe of Zabulon were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Joseph were sealed twelve thousand. Of the tribe of Benjamin were sealed twelve thousand.
(Dan lost his tribe, and Manasses shows up with one.)
-Genesis 50:13 For his sons carried him into the land of Canaan, and buried him in the cave of the field of Machpelah, which Abraham bought with the field for a possession of a buryingplace of Ephron the Hittite, before Mamre.
(Jacob is buried in a cave at Machpelah bought from Ephron the Hittite.)
-Acts 7:15 So Jacob went down into Egypt, and died, he, and our fathers,16 And were carried over into Sychem, and laid in the sepulchre that Abraham bought for a sum of money of the sons of Emmor the father of Sychem.
(Jacob is buried in the sepulchre at Sychem, bought from the sons of Emmor.)
(Note: Let’s digress to mention that there is a gang of dumb negroes pretending to be the real tribes of Israel. Led by a New York cop, a master cretin dubbed Bishop Nathanyel Ben Israel, these idiots dress like cheap hoes and work the street corners of several US cities, barking into the wind that white people are “the devil” deserving only death or slavery, Zionists are “fake Jews” and members of the LGBT community are “sinners”. The only fun part of the wannabe sect is the clown outfit, headband and tattoos the morons carry around.)