There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Among them:
(In too many instances in the bible, we find a perfect God who is totally confused, lies and fumbles through things from one verse to the next. Was he drunk, stupid, both, or did a bunch of idiots made up the whole mess?)
-Numbers 25:9 And those that died in the plague were twenty and four thousand.
(24,000 died in the plague.)
-1 Corinthians 10:8 Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand.
(23,000 died in the plague.)
-Numbers 28:11 And in the beginnings of your months ye shall offer a burnt offering unto the LORD; two young bullocks, and one ram, seven lambs of the first year without spot;
(Offering for the new month is two bullocks, one ram, seven lambs.)
-Ezekiel 46:6 And in the day of the new moon it shall be a young bullock without blemish, and six lambs, and a ram: they shall be without blemish.
(Offering for the new month is one bullock, one ram, six lambs.)
-Numbers 30:2 If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth.
(God allows the making of vows (oaths).
-Matthew 5:33 Again, ye have heard that it hath been said by them of old time, Thou shalt not forswear thyself, but shalt perform unto the Lord thine oaths:34 But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God’s throne:35 Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King.36 Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black.37 But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.
(Jesus sins again and forbids the making of vows, saying that they arise from evil or the Devil)
-Numbers 33:38 And Aaron the priest went up into mount Hor at the commandment of the LORD, and died there, in the fortieth year after the children of Israel were come out of the land of Egypt, in the first day of the fifth month.
(Aaron died on Mt. Hor.)
-Deuteronomy 10:6 And the children of Israel took their journey from Beeroth of the children of Jaakan to Mosera: there Aaron died, and there he was buried; and Eleazar his son ministered in the priest’s office in his stead.
(Aaron died in Mosera.)
-Numbers 33:41 And they departed from mount Hor, and pitched in Zalmonah.42 And they departed from Zalmonah, and pitched in Punon.
(After Aaron’s death, the Israelites journeyed from Mt. Hor, to Zalmonah, to Punon,)
-Deuteronomy 10:6 And the children of Israel took their journey from Beeroth of the children of Jaakan to Mosera: there Aaron died, and there he was buried; and Eleazar his son ministered in the priest’s office in his stead.7 From thence they journeyed unto Gudgodah; and from Gudgodah to Jotbath, a land of rivers of waters.
(After Aaron’s death, the Israelites journeyed from Mosera, to Gudgodah, to Jotbath.)
-Deuteronomy 24:1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife.3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.5 When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.
(God says that a man can divorce his wife simply because she displeases him and both he and his wife can remarry.)
-Mark 10:2 And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.10 And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter.11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
(Jesus sins again by going against his father’s order, saying that divorce is wrong, and to remarry is to commit adultery.)
-Joshua 4:9 And Joshua set up twelve stones in the midst of Jordan, in the place where the feet of the priests which bare the ark of the covenant stood: and they are there unto this day.
(Joshua’s twelve stones ended up in the middle of Jordan.)
-Joshua 4:20 And those twelve stones, which they took out of Jordan, did Joshua pitch in Gilgal.
(Joshua’s twelve stones ended up in Gilgal)
-Joshua 10:38 And Joshua returned, and all Israel with him, to Debir; and fought against it:39 And he took it, and the king thereof, and all the cities thereof; and they smote them with the edge of the sword, and utterly destroyed all the souls that were therein; he left none remaining: as he had done to Hebron, so he did to Debir, and to the king thereof; as he had done also to Libnah, and to her king.40 So Joshua smote all the country of the hills, and of the south, and of the vale, and of the springs, and all their kings: he left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the LORD God of Israel commanded.
(Joshua himself captured Debir.)
-Judges 1:11 And from thence he went against the inhabitants of Debir: and the name of Debir before was Kirjathsepher:12 And Caleb said, He that smiteth Kirjathsepher, and taketh it, to him will I give Achsah my daughter to wife.13 And Othniel the son of Kenaz, Caleb’s younger brother, took it: and he gave him Achsah his daughter to wife.
(It was Othniel who captured Debir and thereby obtained the hand of Caleb’s daughter, Achsah.)
-Joshua 15:21 And the uttermost cities of the tribe of the children of Judah toward the coast of Edom southward were Kabzeel, and Eder, and Jagur,22 And Kinah, and Dimonah, and Adadah,23 And Kedesh, and Hazor, and Ithnan,24 Ziph, and Telem, and Bealoth,25 And Hazor, Hadattah, and Kerioth, and Hezron, which is Hazor,26 Amam, and Shema, and Moladah,27 And Hazargaddah, and Heshmon, and Bethpalet,28 And Hazarshual, and Beersheba, and Bizjothjah,29 Baalah, and Iim, and Azem,30 And Eltolad, and Chesil, and Hormah,31 And Ziklag, and Madmannah, and Sansannah,32 And Lebaoth, and Shilhim, and Ain, and Rimmon: all the cities are twenty and nine, with their villages
(The bible, which is God’s confession, says there are 29 cities on the presented list, which actually contains 36.)
-Judges 4:21 Then Jael Heber’s wife took a nail of the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep and weary. So he died.
(Sisera was sleeping when Jael killed him.)
-Judges 5:26 She put her hand to the nail, and her right hand to the workmen’s hammer; and with the hammer she smote Sisera, she smote off his head, when she had pierced and stricken through his temples.27 At her feet he bowed, he fell, he lay down: at her feet he bowed, he fell: where he bowed, there he fell down dead.
(Sisera was standing when Jael killed him.)