There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Among them:
God’s dirty little secrets: human feces, foreskins and size.
-Ezekiel 4:12 And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.13 And the LORD said, Even thus shall the children of Israel eat their defiled bread among the Gentiles, whither I will drive them.
-Isaiah 36:12 But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?
-2 Kings 18:27 But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?
(I don’t quite see how eating shit can possibly help you spiritually, but if you insist …then fine; go eat some more dung and get immortal. I’ll stick to bicycling.)
-Genesis 17:10 This is my covenant, which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child among you shall be circumcised.11 And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.12 And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every man child in your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any stranger, which is not of thy seed.13 He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised: and my covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant.14 And the uncircumcised man child whose flesh of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken my covenant.
(Circumcision is telling your child “You belong to this religion but you need to get your genitals mutilated because God screwed up with his intelligent design when it came to your family jewels.”)
-Ezekiel 23:20 For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.
(Ah!The morality of the bible. So refreshing)