Biblical stupidity part 613

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Among them:

The subject of this sermon is “what’s in the name of God?”

Ever since the first con-man met the first fool, it’s safe to say that humanoids came up with various names for the objects of their worship. From the Sun which is the original God all the way to Jesus (Mexico has plenty of them), humans have gone through more gods and goddesses than hamburgers with no pickles sold at drive-thru windows. The benefit of being the new fairy in the land is the ability to rake in all the titles of the previous fallen idols.
In the old days, when the godly baton was passed to Zeus, the stories multiplied. Zeus was a cool God, he had a wife, a summer home on top of Mount Olympus, and was adored by millions of men clad in mini dresses. Then a change became inevitable when the Roman Empire crashed and burned. Years later, a new God sat on the heavenly throne, he ran out of holy toilet paper and the hallucination merged into reality. As the story goes:

Genesis 4:26 And to Seth, to him also there was born a son; and he called his name Enos: then began men to call upon the name of the LORD.

Genesis 12:8 And he removed from thence unto a mountain on the east of Bethel, and pitched his tent, having Bethel on the west, and Hai on the east: and there he builded an altar unto the LORD, and called upon the name of the LORD.
Genesis 22:14 And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovahjireh: as it is said to this day, In the mount of the LORD it shall be seen.
Genesis 26:25 And he builded an altar there, and called upon the name of the LORD, and pitched his tent there: and there Isaac’s servants digged a well.
The bible news report that “the Lord” was the name known and used to address the Aryan fairy. God spake to clarify a very important info on his moniker. Apparently, before Moses, people used to refer to God as the Lord, or God almighty; which forced God to announce that he wasn’t known by the name Jehovah. If he is so sensitive about his name, why did he announce himself under different names to different people?

Because I find it ludicrous that a fairy who specializes in murdering men, women, trees and little babies would take the time to elaborate about whatever name he is being called or not.

Exodus 6:2 And God spake unto Moses, and said unto him, I am the LORD:3 And I appeared unto Abraham, unto Isaac, and unto Jacob, by the name of God Almighty, but by my name JEHOVAH was I not known to them.

Now he is stuck with more names: Guđán, Abba, El Elyon, El Roi, Yahweh Yireh, Yahweh Nissi, Jehovah Rapha, Zeus, Allah, Vishnu, Xavier and Jah, Waheguru, Ngai, Allah, Baal, Dagon, Jupiter, Elohim, YHWH, Yahweh, Adonai, El Shaddai, El Olam, Jehovah Nissi, El Oanna, Jehovah Mekoddishkem, Jehovah Shalom, Jehovah Raah, Tsidkenu, Shammah. Some even call him Jesus.

God has never been shy about calling himself by various names: Abba, shepherd, father, “I am who I am” and I eat me spinach. Did you know that in a moment of lucidity, God sobered up enough to call himself a “mother”? Isaiah 66:13 As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem.

Isn’t it great that God and I agree on this specific name? He is a MOTHER, all right. Since then, I found more better fitting names for a cloud dwelling fairy who enjoys slaughtering little babies.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s