Biblical stupidity part 614

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Among them:

Sometimes the bible tells a story which can never be supported by reason or common sense. Such is the debacle of Cain and Abel, clearly not God’s first rodeo in nonsense. But it’s so much fun that we must revisit it.
To really understand the story, one must realize that there are 3 distinct versions of the encounter leading to the death of Abel.
Like many religions, there is a constant theme of sacrificial offerings to God in both the new and old testaments. At the beginning of Genesis, we find a Christian God coming out of his criminal cocoon. Throughout the Bible, God confesses to a fascination with first-born and the flesh of living creatures that is very disturbing.
Let’s digress to briefly mention that the creator already had a nervous breakdown, caused by a fruit in the Garden of Eden. This story can be seen as the confirmation of God’s hatred of fruits and vegetables, and his obsession for burnt meat of any kind.

-Genesis 4:4 And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering:5 But unto Cain and to his offering he had not respect. And Cain was very wroth, and his countenance fell.

Previously, God cursed Adam, Eve, the snake, the ground and posterity because of the “applesauce” incident which was the first sin of mankind.

Now, we find a very confused God who, in all his omniscience, cannot figure out why Cain would be so mad. All he did was trying to please God and it is quite difficult to find any fault with what Cain has done so far. Cain is not at fault, an inconsiderate God is. Through sweat and hard labor imposed by God, Cain tilled the ground and found in his heart to share with the creator, in an act of allegiance and friendship. God not only rejected his offering, he made fun of him. A few kind words would have made a world of difference; it could have been a win-win for God and the kids. But the almighty works in delirious ways.

Genesis 4:6 And the LORD said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen?7 If thou doest well, shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. And unto thee shall be his desire, and thou shalt rule over him.

Once again, many believers will fly right over the many inconsistencies of the story. Why is an omniscient God ask Cain why he was pissed off? He didn’t see that one coming? Why is a perfect God unable to understand that he is the screw-up and not Cain? Much like a neutered dog, God doesn’t get it.
The bible tells us that Cain is so upset that God chose to favor his younger brother over him, that he killed Abel. This would be the most irrational reaction in the history of sibling rivalry.
This first murder brings us another contradiction. Genesis 4:9 And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother?’
If God is omniscient and omnipresent, then he must have been at the murder scene, during the commission of the crime. What is the point of asking Cain where Abel was if God was there and knew the who, what, when and where, supposedly?
So God gives Cain the finger and cursed him, like he previously cursed Adam, Eve, the snake, the ground, and everything else. Another red flag is raised when Cain says that his punishment is too harsh. Here we have a mere human displaying better reasoning skills than a God. More red flags are raised when Cain is concerned that he will be killed by someone; his dad and mom were the only other people at the time; there were 3 persons on Earth at that moment. This implies that there were other humans not created by the Christian God. Of course, God tells Cain that he won’t be murdered; a promise that will take God one notch down from being honest, reliable and true. Cain was murdered.
The bible states that Cain leaves and finds a mystery woman with no detailed identification of where she came from. Cain even founded a city and named it after his son.
In order to better understand the origin of Cain’s mystery wife, we must turn to the Quran which addressed the biblical discrepancy. Qabil and Habil, the Islamic Cain and Abel, are believed by Muslims to have been the first two sons of Adam and Hawwa mentioned in the Qur’an. The story in the Qur’an is basically the same as in Judaism and Christianity: both brothers present personal offering to God who accepted Abel’s sacrifice and rejected Cain’s. Out of jealousy, Cain slew Abel in the first ever case of murder committed upon the Earth.
However, in the Islamic version, (there lies the second version of the same story). Cain and Abel were brothers from two separate sets of twins. Allah proposes that Adam marries Qabil’s twin, the beautiful-looking Iqlimiya (Luluwa) to Abel, while Habil’s less attractive twin Layudha (Aklia) would become Cain’s wife.
When Adam announced his decision to marry them (Abel with Iqlimiya and Qabil with Layudha) Qabil protested and disobeyed because Habil’s twin was ugly and his own twin was beautiful. So he wanted his twin sister for himself because he felt that he was more entitled to his twin sister. Based on the revelations from God, Adam ordered both to sacrifice, whoever received the blessing would then be entitled to choose (marrying the twin sister of Qabil).
That story makes more sense than the KJV nonsense and can be found in the original bible. It’s worth noting another detail from the Qur’an: “right after the murder took place, Allah (God) sent a crow who scratched the ground to show Cain how to hide the dead body of his brother.”

A third version makes as much sense as the previous two. Here we find the brothers arguing about Abel running his cattle through Cain’s fields and allowing his sheep to eat and destroy the crops. An argument occurred where Cain tells Abel that he eats of his produce and Abel replies that Cain also eats of the meat of his flock. This would make more sense as an explanation on why Cain’s harvest wasn’t the best, yet wouldn’t lead to murder nonetheless.

Then right when we are ready to move on from the passing of our great-great super great uncle Abel, the bible throws us the following curved ball:
2 Chronicles 19:7 Wherefore now let the fear of the LORD be upon you; take heed and do it: for there is no iniquity with the LORD our God, nor respect of persons, nor taking of gifts.

This is what to expect from the bible, the greatest story ever sold.

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