There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Among them:
Different people have different opinions of what is vulgar or obscene. However, the following verses would likely be considered vulgar or obscene, were they in any setting other than the Bible.
God has a new weapon; he decides to cause “a dilatation of the veins about the rectum, with a discharge of blood”; at least that’s a new way of messing up with his creation. God wanted his ark back, so he afflicts them with hemorrhoidal tumors. Seems that God’s real job is to find new ways to hurt everything under the sun. Not one iota of help or find another way to correct what he perceives as wrong.
1 Samuel 5:6 But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.7 And when the men of Ashdod saw that it was so, they said, The ark of the God of Israel shall not abide with us: for his hand is sore upon us, and upon Dagon our god.