There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Among them:
Many sadomasochists find the glorification of women being raped and defiled as precious as the pleasant petrichor or geosmin. If you like to share smut with your family, the bible is for you. If you enjoy adult degrading material for your children, let it be known that the Lord talks sweeter than a $20 whore. If you get a rise from porn, XXX-rated material, golden showers, hard-core pornography, indecent and obscene materials, sexually explicit stories, look no further than the holy bible, a book so good that a few idiots decided to violate the US Constitution by displaying it in the halls of public buildings.
Look, I am going to rebuke your descendants, and I will spread feces over your faces, the waste from your festival sacrifices, and you will be taken away with it.
Malachi 2:3 Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.