Almost there

Congratulations are in order. I would like to congratulate all believers for the entertainment provided to me during this past day and there is still another half-day to go. Somehow, hopefully there might be a zombie revival at the end of this seasonal joke.

First, I watched in disbelief as many of you decided to destroy a few perfectly innocent palm trees so you could enter a church with a couple of palm fronds tied up in the shape of a cross. After all, your God loves to destroy trees, among other things. Next year, they should destroy fig trees; Jesus did it. I beg your pardon; silly me, I thought trees were important and should be protected. If we can destroy entire rain forests, a few palm trees would be less than icing on the cake.

For some reasons, justified by my curiosity in observing you guys, I knew a lot more fun was heading my way. Then to my surprise, believers transformed into wannabe Hindus. I held back the grin and actually felt good for you. Finally, you just found some common sense and switched to a better religious plantation. Then again, after a closer look, I told myself “self, that couldn’t be; that’s not right. Something is very wrong here.”

After studying the holy book for 6 years in a seminary, I was forced to book a room at a cheap motel so I could find a free bible. What I was seeing looks more like a cheap tilaka rather than a precious Hindu ornament. Upon closer inspection, it turned out to be dirt, not a tika.

I tried in vain to find a biblical passage that would shed some light about a secret puja for the women so hated by the cult, where they would be told to wear a bindi to match their dress and makeup. The pastors had the same dirt stamps as the rams and ewes, not a kukuma as expected. So it wasn’t long before I realized that I was dealing with sheep, instead of devoted followers of Devi, Shiva and Vishnu. Another convincing clue was that everyone smelled like they had eaten farm raised fish.

I could barely contain my excitement to see so many people willing to look so silly in order to get a smile out of me. They went as far as killing trees, wearing dirt and eating fish. No less than 5 people told me that the fun will continue tomorrow when they find the chocolate eggs laid by the Easter rabbit. Will it be before or after the zombie show?

In light of all this tolerance, the least I can do to show my appreciation is to continue my mission to find and destroy absurdities, fight ignorance and educate.

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