Biblical stupidity part 807

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Among them:

If you get a rise from nonsense, look no further than the holy bible, a book so good that a few idiots decided to violate the US Constitution by displaying it in the halls of public buildings. There are stories so stupid that they can only be found in the bible.

Mark 16:17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
Glossolalia is not the mumbo jumbo frontier gibberish one can hear from the slimy religious crooks on TV. While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in “tongues” may be all the evidence you need to “prove” Christianity.

Speaking in tongues means people can understand what is being said. Acts 2:4 And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.5 And there were dwelling at Jerusalem Jews, devout men, out of every nation under heaven.6 Now when this was noised abroad, the multitude came together, and were confounded, because that every man heard them speak in his own language.7 And they were all amazed and marvelled, saying one to another, Behold, are not all these which speak Galilaeans?8 And how hear we every man in our own tongue, wherein we were born?

This is a sign for the geniuses who love God and believe the bible. Get rid of the wafer and grape juice, follow the bible and start every service with cobras, rattlesnakes, cottonmouths, black mambas, boomslangs, saw-scaled vipers and a few western Taipan. Those who believe are able to handle snakes and drink any deadly poison without suffering harm. Forget the many unfortunate believers who have died as a result of handling snakes and/or drinking poison; they didn’t have your faith. Go ahead and grab that snake, by the power of Jeeeeeesssus. Jeeessssus.

After the snakes, the entire congregation will go outside and move the mountains.

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