There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. (SPECIAL)
I try to keep this blog very simple and succinct to expose the blatant absurdities in the bible. When it comes to religion, each post starts with a preamble, followed by (in this case) an assertion. Then a biblical verse is offered, which, in and of itself, denotes the specific absurdity to anyone with common sense. A very short comment highlights the idiocy or inconsistency contained in the verse. On rare occasions, the post ends with a hint of irony in order to mock or convey contempt.
This is not a sermon, is not intended to be one and doesn’t claim to be one. Well apparently, it’s not simple enough. So, I enlisted the help of Merriam-Webster to take care of any lingering confusion, and simplify certain concepts found in this blog.
Let me digress for a minute to say that I don’t argue with anyone over the bible; I just point out the absurdities many are ignoring. And when delusional buzzards try to justify the filthy contents, just a few words are enough to shut them up. Every word in the defense of the bible sinks a person further into idiocy. It’s a damn shame that some people will not let their education get in the way of their ignorance.
Stupidity, in the bible or anywhere else, is still stupidity. Imagine listening to the many evangelists trying to justify Psalms 137:9 Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.
The following are common words used in this blog:
-CONTRADICTION: a statement or phrase whose parts contradict each other.
Deuteronomy 24:1 When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.2 And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man’s wife.3 And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.5 When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.
A man can divorce his wife simply because she displeases him and both he and his wife can remarry. (The basic rape your way in, stone your way out.)
Mark 10:11 And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery.
Divorce is wrong, and to remarry is to commit adultery.
-ABSURDITY: something that is absurd.
Numbers 20:11 And Moses lifted up his hand, and with his rod he smote the rock twice: and the water came out abundantly, and the congregation drank, and their beasts also.
Moses smote a rock and bottled water comes out. Even a moron will laugh at this biblical nonsense.
–STUPIDITY: a stupid idea or act.
Mark 16: 17 And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;18 They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
A believer can handle snakes or drink poison and not experience any harm. Only a blooming idiot would grab a cobra or black mamba while drinking a cocktail of strychnine, cyanide and arsenic. Multi-tasking your way to hell or natural selection?
-INCONSISTENCY: the quality or state of being inconsistent.
Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.2 And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.3 And God said, Let there be light: and there was light.4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.5 And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
On the first day, God created light, then separated light and darkness.
Genesis 1:14 And God said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:15 And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.17 And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,18 And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and God saw that it was good.19 And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
The sun, which separates night and day, wasn’t created until the fourth day. That’s according to the fairy who knows everything.
–BONUS: 1 Samuel 31:4 Then said Saul unto his armourbearer, Draw thy sword, and thrust me through therewith; lest these uncircumcised come and thrust me through, and abuse me. But his armourbearer would not; for he was sore afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword, and fell upon it.5 And when his armourbearer saw that Saul was dead, he fell likewise upon his sword, and died with him.6 So Saul died, and his three sons, and his armourbearer, and all his men, that same day together.
Saul killed himself by falling on his sword.
2 Samuel 1:2 It came even to pass on the third day, that, behold, a man came out of the camp from Saul with his clothes rent, and earth upon his head: and so it was, when he came to David, that he fell to the earth, and did obeisance.3 And David said unto him, From whence comest thou? And he said unto him, Out of the camp of Israel am I escaped.4 And David said unto him, How went the matter? I pray thee, tell me. And he answered, That the people are fled from the battle, and many of the people also are fallen and dead; and Saul and Jonathan his son are dead also.5 And David said unto the young man that told him, How knowest thou that Saul and Jonathan his son be dead?6 And the young man that told him said, As I happened by chance upon mount Gilboa, behold, Saul leaned upon his spear; and, lo, the chariots and horsemen followed hard after him.7 And when he looked behind him, he saw me, and called unto me. And I answered, Here am I.8 And he said unto me, Who art thou? And I answered him, I am an Amalekite.9 He said unto me again, Stand, I pray thee, upon me, and slay me: for anguish is come upon me, because my life is yet whole in me.10 So I stood upon him, and slew him, because I was sure that he could not live after that he was fallen: and I took the crown that was upon his head, and the bracelet that was on his arm, and have brought them hither unto my lord.
Saul, at his own request, was slain by an Amalekite.
2 Samuel 21:12 And David went and took the bones of Saul and the bones of Jonathan his son from the men of Jabeshgilead, which had stolen them from the street of Bethshan, where the Philistines had hanged them, when the Philistines had slain Saul in Gilboa:
Saul was killed by the Philistines on Gilboa.
1 Chronicles 10:13 So Saul died for his transgression which he committed against the LORD, even against the word of the LORD, which he kept not, and also for asking counsel of one that had a familiar spirit, to enquire of it;14 And enquired not of the LORD: therefore he slew him, and turned the kingdom unto David the son of Jesse.
Saul was slain by God.
For an adult to believe in fairies is absurd; to defend the delusion is stupid. To believe there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is a privilege; to pack your bags and go on a trip to retrieve that gold is where the insanity begins. One of my pet peeve is hypocrites with total disregard for the welfare of children; and they don’t get a pass from me. If you pretend to love kids while promoting the worship of a baby killer, expect me to call you a category 5 imbecile.