Biblical stupidity 2480

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. This is the Protevangelion, by James the Lesser, cousin and brother of Jesus.

CHAP. II.
1 Anna, the wife of Joachim, mourns her barrenness, 6 is reproached with it by Judith her maid, 9 sits under a laurel tree and prays to the Lord.
IN the meantime his wife Anna was distressed and perplexed on a double account, and said I will mourn both for my widowhood and my barrenness.
2 Then drew near a great feast of the Lord, and Judith her maid said, How long will you thus afflict your soul? The feast of the Lord is now come, when it is unlawful for any one to mourn.
3 Take therefore this hood which was given by one who makes such things, for it is not fit that I, who am a servant, should wear it, but it well suits a person of your greater character.
4 But Anna replied, Depart from me, I am not used to such things; besides, the Lord hath greatly humbled me.
5 I fear some ill-designing person hath given thee this, and thou art come to pollute me with my sin.
6 Then Judith her maid answered, What evil shall I wish you when you will not hearken to me?
7 I cannot wish you a greater curse than you are under, in that God hath shut up your womb, that you should not be a mother in Israel.
8 At this Anna was exceedingly troubled, and having on her wedding garment, went about three o’clock in the afternoon to walk in her garden.
9 And she saw a laurel-tree, and sat under it, and prayed unto the Lord, saying,
10 O God of my fathers, bless me and regard my prayer as thou didst bless the womb of Sarah, and gavest her a son Isaac.

We can all appreciate the stupidity of this passage. It’s definitely one of the reasons this book wasn’t allowed in the authorized bible. Joachim is a very rich man, his wife Anna is distressed; they can’t have kids. And at the time, this was a big problem. Why Joachim didn’t nail Judith is a mystery; he most likely heard and knew that Jacob did pretty well for himself.

The funny part is, instead of self-isolating in the bedroom or taking the clothes washer for a spin, Joachim went to the desert for 40 days and 40 nights, while Anna, in her wedding dress (?), wasn’t getting any at home. She has only one thing left to do: pray for some dick. No wonder she has no children, that’s not the way to make a kid.

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