Biblical stupidity 2482

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. This is the Protevangelion, by James the Lesser, cousin and brother of Jesus.

1 An Angel appears to Anna and tells her she shall conceive; two angels appear to her on the same errand. 5 Joachim sacrifices. 8 Anna goes to meet him, 9 rejoicing that she shall conceive.
THEN an angel of the Lord stood by her and said, Anna, Anna, the Lord hath heard thy prayer; thou shalt conceive and bring forth, and thy progeny shall be spoken of in all the world.
2 And Anna answered, As the Lord my God liveth, whatever I bring forth, whether it be male or female, I will devote it to the Lord my God, and it shall minister to him in holy things, during its whole life.
3 And behold there appeared two angels, saying unto her, Behold Joachim thy husband is coming with his shepherds.
4 For an angel of the Lord hath also come down to him, and said, The Lord God hath heard thy prayer, make haste and go hence, for behold Anna thy wife shall conceive.
5 And Joachim went down and called his shepherds, saying Bring me hither ten she-lambs without spot or blemish, and they shall be for the Lord my God.
6 And bring me twelve calves without blemish, and the twelve calves shall be for the priests and the elders.
7 Bring me also a hundred goats, and the hundred goats shall be for the whole people.
8 And Joachim went down with the shepherds, and Anna stood by the gate and saw Joachim coming with the shepherds.
9 And she ran, and hanging about his neck, said, Now I know that the Lord hath greatly blessed me:
10 For behold, I who was a widow am no longer a widow, and I who was barren shall conceive.

Luckily for Anna, God wasn’t at his usual bingo game. He sent his angel emails to Anna and Joachim to instruct them to get busy; not in the desert or under the laurel tree. And, of course, when anything happens in a biblical setting, animals pay the price and are slaughtered.

One of the favorite subjects for romance in ancient days was the love of gods for mortal women. That the gods were at times inclined to visit favored ladies was believed by all credulous folk; and nearly all men were credulous in those days!

Many people, in 2020, still believe Genesis 6:2 that the sons of God saw the daughters of men, that they were beautiful; and they took wives for themselves of all whom they chose.

Among the ancient tales, was Silvia, the wife of Septimius Marcellus, who was said to have had a child by the god Mars. It may be that this legend about the wife of Septimius Marcellus arose from her name Silvia, as the mother of Romulus and Remus – so a still older myth related – was a vestal virgin named Rhea Silvia, and their father was Mars. Many similar stories were told, and believed, of other women.

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