Biblical stupidity 2486

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. This is the Protevangelion, by James the Lesser, cousin and brother of Jesus.

CHAP. VIII.
2 Mary fed in the temple by angels, 3 when twelve years old the priests consult what to do with her. 6 The angel of the Lord warns Zacharias to call together all the widowers, each bringing a rod. 7 The people meet by sound of trumpet. 8 Joseph throws away his hatchet, and goes to the meeting, 11 a dove comes forth from his rod, and alights on his head. 12 He is chosen to betroth the Virgin. 13 refuses because he is an old man, 15 is compelled, 16 takes her home, and goes to mind his trade of building.

AND her parents went away filled with wonder, and praising God, because the girl did not return back to them.
2 But Mary continued in the temple as a dove educated there, and received her food from the hand of an angel.
3 And when she was twelve years of age, the priests met in a council, and said, Behold, Mary is twelve years of age; what shall we do with her, for fear lest the holy place of the Lord our God should be defiled?
4 Then replied the priests to Zacharias the high-priest, Do you stand at the altar of the Lord, and enter into the holy place, and make petitions concerning her, and whatsoever the Lord shall manifest unto you, that do.
5 Then the high-priest entered into the Holy of Holies, and taking away with him the breastplate of judgment made prayers concerning her;
6 And behold the angel of the Lord came to him, and said, Zacharias, Zacharias, Go forth and call together all the widowers among the people, and let every one of them bring his rod, and he by whom the Lord shall shew a sign shall be the husband of Mary.
7 And the criers went out through all Judæa, and the trumpet of the Lord sounded, and all the people ran and met together.
8 Joseph also, throwing away the hatchet, went out to meet them; and when they were met, they went to the high-priest, taking every man his rod.
9 After the high-priest had received their rods, he went into the temple to pray;
10 And when he had finished his prayer, he took the rods, And went forth and distributed them, and there was no miracle attended them.
11 The last rod was taken by Joseph, and behold a dove proceeded out of the rod, and flew upon the head of Joseph.
12 And the high-priest said, Joseph, Thou art the person chosen to take the Virgin of the Lord, to keep her for him:
13 But Joseph refused, saying, I am an old man, and have children, but she is young, and I fear lest I should appear ridiculous in Israel.
14 Then the high-priest replied, Joseph, fear the Lord thy God, and remember how God dealt with Dathan, Korah, and Abiram, how the earth opened and swallowed them up, because of their contradiction.
15 Now therefore, Joseph, fear God, lest the like things should happen in your family.
16 Joseph then being afraid, took her unto his house, and Joseph said unto Mary, Behold, I have taken thee from the temple of the Lord, and now I will leave thee in my house; I must go to mind my trade of building. The Lord be with thee.

Here we are presented with the bullshit to end all bullshit. The senile parents who did so much to have a baby, “went away filled with wonder, and praising God, because the girl did not return back to them.” They are elated to abandon their 3 years old baby, their only child. (This is the morality of religion)

More BS splatters as the story claims that angels feed Mary. Fast forward, the little girl turns 12 years old and the high priest wants to evict her from the only home she knows. Zacharias the high-priest consults with God, who has been grooming Mary for sex, even before her birth. God knows he wants and is going to bang Mary, yet failed to tell his high priest to keep her in the temple; instead, God wants to avoid the duties of married life, except for the sex part. (In God’s case, sex is like motorboating)

God and his high priest settled on a sap named Joseph, and threatened his life (verse 14) just in case he didn’t want to play by God’s rules. By now, Joseph, who is an old fart, knows he has been fucked. And this my friends is where God earned the title: good all the time.

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