Biblical stupidity 2492

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. This is the Protevangelion, by James the Lesser, cousin and brother of Jesus.

1 Joseph finds a midwife. 10 A bright cloud overshadows the care. 11 A great light in the cave, gradually increases until the infant is born. 13 The midwife goes out, and tells Salome that she has seen a virgin bring forth. 17 Salome doubts it. 20 her hand withers, 22 she supplicates the Lord, 28 is cured, 30 but warned not to declare what she had seen.

THEN I beheld a woman coming down from the mountains, and she said to me, Where art thou going, O man?
2 And I said to her, I go to inquire for a Hebrew midwife.
3 She replied to me, Where is the woman that is to be delivered?
4 And I answered, In the cave, and she is betrothed to me.
5 Then said the midwife, Is she not thy wife?
6 Joseph answered, It is Mary, who was educated in the Holy of Holies, in the house of the Lord, and she fell to my lot, and is not my wife, but has conceived by the Holy Ghost.
7 The midwife said, Is this true?
8 He answered, Come and see.
9 And the midwife went along with him, and stood in the cave.
10 Then a bright cloud overshadowed the cave, and the midwife
said, This day my soul is magnified, for mine eyes have seen surprising things, and salvation is brought forth to Israel.
11 But on a sudden the cloud became a great light in the cave, so that their eyes could not bear it.
12 But the light gradually decreased, until the infant appeared, and sucked the breast of his mother Mary.
13 Then the midwife cried out, and said, How glorious a day is this, wherein mine eyes have seen this extraordinary sight!
14 And the midwife went out from the cave, and Salome met her.
15 And the midwife said to her, Salome, Salome, I will tell you a most surprising thing which I saw,
16 A virgin hath brought forth, which is a thing contrary to nature.
17 To which Salome replied, As the Lord my God liveth, unless I receive particular proof of this matter, I will not believe that a virgin hath brought forth.
18 Then Salome went in, and the midwife said, Mary, shew thyself, for a great controversy is risen concerning thee.
19 And Salome received satisfaction.
20 But her hand was withered, and she groaned bitterly.
21 And said, Woe to me, because of mine iniquity; for I have tempted the living God, and my hand is ready to drop off.
22 Then Salome made her supplication to the Lord, and said, O God of my fathers, remember me, for I am of the seed of Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob.
23 Make me not a reproach among the children of Israel, but restore me sound to my parents.
24 For thou well knowest, O Lord, that I have performed many offices of charity in thy name, and have received my reward from thee.
25 Upon this an angel of the Lord stood by Salome, and said, The Lord God hath heard thy prayer, reach forth thy hand to the child, and carry him, and by that means thou shalt be restored.
26 Salome, filled with exceeding joy, went to the child, and said, I will touch him:
27 And she purposed to worship him, for she said, This is a great king which is born in Israel.
28 And straightway Salome was cured.
29 Then the midwife went out of the cave, being approved by God.
30 And lo! a voice came to Salome, Declare not the strange things which thou hast seen, till the child shall come to Jerusalem.
31 So Salome also departed, approved by God.

Joseph finds a midwife to deliver the son of an all-powerful God who knows and can do everything. Right before the reader is treated to more BS. Anyone with a pulse should be able to see the unbelievable amount of BS packed in these verses.

It’s amazing that, in those days, God was hands on and actually listened to Salome’s prayer. Today, 9 million children ask, beg, and pray to God, only to suffer and die every year; their parents through many tears and prayers will also be denied a cure by an all-powerful God who either doesn’t care or can’t do a damn thing.

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