Biblical stupidity 2495

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The first Gospel of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)

CHAP. I.
1 Caiaphas relates, that Jesus when in his cradle, informed his mother, that he was the Son of God. 5 Joseph and Mary going to Bethlehem to be taxed, Mary’s time of bringing forth arrives, and she goes into a cave. 8 Joseph fetches in a Hebrew woman, the cave filled with great lights. 11 The infant born, 17 cures the woman, 19 arrival of the shepherds.
THE following accounts we found in the book of Joseph the high-priest, called by some Caiaphas
2 He relates, that Jesus spake even when he was in the cradle, and said to his mother:
3 Mary, I am Jesus the Son of God
, that word which thou didst bring forth according to the declaration of the angel Gabriel to thee, and my father hath sent me for the salvation of the world.
4 In the three hundred and ninth year of the æra of Alexander, Augustus published a decree that all persons should go to be taxed in their own country.
5 Joseph therefore arose, and with Mary his spouse he went to Jerusalem, and then came to Bethlehem, that he and his family might be taxed in the city of his fathers.
6 And when they came by the cave, Mary confessed to Joseph that her time of bringing forth was come, and she could not go on to the city, and said, Let us go into this cave.
7 At that time the sun was very near going down.
8 But Joseph hastened away, that he might fetch her a midwife; and when he saw an old Hebrew woman who was of Jerusalem, he said to her, Pray come hither, good woman, and go into that cave, and you will there see a woman just ready to bring forth.
9 It was after sunset, when the old woman and Joseph with her reached the cave, and they both went into it.
10 And behold, it was all filled with lights, greater than the light of lamps and candles, and greater than the light of the sun itself.
11 The infant was then wrapped up in swaddling clothes, and sucking the breasts of his mother St. Mary.
12 When they both saw this light, they were surprised; the old woman asked St. Mary, Art thou the mother of this child?
13 St. Mary replied, She was.
14 On which the old woman said, Thou art very different from all other women.
15 St. Mary answered, As there is not any child like to my son, so neither is there any woman like to his mother.
16 The old woman answered, and said, O my Lady, I am come hither that I may obtain an everlasting reward.
17 Then our Lady, St. Mary, said to her, Lay thine hands upon the infant; which, when she had done, she became whole.
18 And as she was going forth, she said, From henceforth, all the days of my life, I will attend upon and be a servant of this infant.
19 After this, when the shepherds came, and had made a fire, and they were exceedingly rejoicing, the heavenly host appeared to them, praising and adoring the supreme God.
20 And as the shepherds were engaged in the same employment, the cave at that time seemed like a glorious temple, because both the tongues of angels and men united to adore and magnify God, on account of the birth of the Lord Christ.
21 But when the old Hebrew woman saw all these evident miracles, she gave praises to God, and said, I thank thee, O God, thou God of Israel, for that mine eyes have seen the birth of the Saviour of the world.

Here we get the same BS as reported in The gospel of the birth of Mary and the Protevangelion, with a few add-ons. Baby Jesus talks at few hours old (why not from a book where an ass, snake and trees talk); this time, the tax decree is from Augustus; the cave is filled with lights greater than the light of the sun itself (wow); the midwife is cured; heavenly host appears; invisible angels and men start singing; miracles happen. It’s quite odd that nothing is said about Mary’s purification.

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