There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The first Gospel of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)
1 Joseph and Mary pass through a country infested by robbers, 3 Titus, a humane thief, offers Dumachus, his comrade, forty groats to let Joseph and Mary pass unmolested. 6 Jesus prophesies that the thieves, Dumachus and Titus, shall be crucified with him, and that Titus shall go before him into Paradise. 10 Christ causes a well to spring from a sycamore tree, and Mary washes his coat in it. 11 A balsam grows there from his sweat: They go to Memphis, where Christ works more miracles. Return to Judæa. 15 being warned, depart for Nazareth.
IN their journey from hence they came into a desert country, and were told it was infested with robbers; so Joseph and St. Mary prepared to pass through it in the night.
2 And as they were going along, behold they saw two robbers asleep in the road, and with them a great number of robbers, who were their confederates, also asleep.
3 The names of these two were Titus and Dumachus; and Titus said to Dumachus, I beseech thee let those persons go along quietly, that our company may not perceive anything of them:
4 But Dumachus refusing, Titus again said, I will give thee forty groats, and as a pledge take my girdle, which he gave him he had done speaking, that he might not open his mouth, or make a noise.
5 When the Lady St. Mary saw the kindness which this robber did shew them, she said to him, The Lord God will receive thee to his right hand, and grant thee pardon of thy sins.
6 Then the Lord Jesus answered, and said to his mother, When thirty years are expired, O mother, the Jews will crucify me at Jerusalem;
7 And these two thieves shall be with me at the same time upon the cross, Titus on my right hand, and Dumachus on my left, and from that time Titus shall go before me into paradise:
8 And when she had said, God forbid this should be thy lot, O my son, they went on to a city in which were several idols; which, as soon as they came near to it, was turned into hills of sand.
9 Hence they went to that sycamore tree, which is now called Matarea;
10 And in Matarea the Lord Jesus caused a well to spring forth, in which St. Mary washed his coat;
11 And a balsam is produced, or grows, in that country from the sweat which ran down there from the Lord Jesus.
12 Thence they proceeded to Memphis, and saw Pharaoh, and abode three years in Egypt.
13 And the Lord Jesus did very many miracles in Egypt, which are neither to be found in the Gospel of the Infancy nor in the Gospel of Perfection.
14 At the end of three years he returned out of Egypt, and when he came near to Judas, Joseph was afraid to enter;
15 For hearing that Herod was dead, and that Archelaus his son reigned in his stead, he was afraid;
16 And when he went to Judæa, an angel of God appeared to him, and said, O Joseph, go into the city Nazareth, and abide there.
17 It is strange indeed that he, who is the Lord of all countries, should be thus carried backward and forward through so many countries.
Joseph finally makes a cameo in verse 1. There is some seriously doubt “robbers fall asleep in the road, and with them a great number of robbers, who were their confederates, also asleep.”
Verses 1-8 show that it was not by accident that Jesus was crucified with two thieves. The train wreck came from whoever decided to name them, Titus and Dumachus.
In Coptic Orthodox tradition and the Narrative of Joseph of Arimathea, one of the thieves is named Demas. In the Codex Colbertinus, he is named Zoatham or Zoathan. In Russian Orthodox tradition, he is named Rakh.
The Book of Nicodemus, which Bible scholars date to the fourth century AD on the Biblical timeline names the repentant or good thief Dysmas or Dismas and the thief who mocks Jesus is named Gestas.
Verse 6 relates a conversation between Jesus and Mary; so he must have been a young man by then. Unless it was the breast milk talking.
In verse 10, Jesus made a washing machine for his mom, by causing a well to spring forth.
Verse 11 relates a balsam is produced, or grows, in that country from the sweat of Jesus. In my next prayers, I will be asking Jesus for some of his sweat so I can plant an area bigger than the Amazon (not the forest, the company.)
Verse 12 reports “Thence they proceeded to Memphis, and saw Pharaoh,” it must have been Cleopatra VII Philopator; right before the Roman rule. The correct name for the city is Men-nefer, Memphis is the derived English name.
[Let me digress to clear up something that needs to be done.
One of the dumbest mistakes made in writing the bible is the vain attempt to tie and connect biblical absurdities to events in Africa. Falsely associating biblical nonsense to real African facts doesn’t validate the bible. African history can be verified, unlike anything in the bible, and the western supremacist God falls on his face at every attempt. If the biblical writers made the decision, they are idiots. If God inspired the bible, then he is a bigger idiot.
For as much as the Christian God hates Africa to the point of butchering little black babies (Exodus 12:29*), to his adulterous wife fleeing to black Egypt to protect his bastard son, the omniscient moron doesn’t know shit about Africa.
From a genocidal supremacist God murdering the first-born black babies of Africa (Exodus 12:29*), to the bullying and silencing of Arius of Africa by the 1800 imbeciles who made the political decision on what to accept in the approved bible at the Council of Nicaea, to the present systematic plundering of Africa’s treasures, religion has been a poison to Negroes everywhere. Africa had spirituality long before it was bastardized into the scourge of religion.]
(*Exodus 12: 29 And it came to pass, that at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, from the firstborn of Pharaoh that sat on his throne unto the firstborn of the captive that was in the dungeon; and all the firstborn of cattle.}
Back to the story.
Apparently, Mary and Jesus were no longer running from Egyptian law, because they were still in Memphis, for 3 more years. Memphis was in Lower Egypt, near the town of Mit Rahina, 12 miles south of Giza in Greater Cairo, Egypt. The city was founded by the Pharaoh Menes, and was the capital of ancient Egypt during the Old Kingdom. Memphis remained an important city throughout ancient Egyptian history.
Verse 13 is amazingly informative. Just when most Christians think they know everything about a bible they never read and can only quote the water into wine and Lazarus, the Lord Jesus did very many miracles in Egypt. While on the run! As everyone can see in the verse, there are no straight answers from the bible. Especially dates or reliable locations. There is no mention in Egyptian history of any miracles performed by Jesus, in Memphis or anywhere else in Africa.
Verses 16 and 17 reveal a God, who was watching all the time and didn’t lift a finger to help his son and baby mama. He finally sent an email/angel to Joseph. What a God! Forget the Maury show, God and the entire family should be on Springer.