Biblical stupidity 2503

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The first Gospel of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)

CHAP. IX.
2 Two sick children cured by water wherein Christ was washed.
WHEN they came afterwards into the city Bethlehem, they found there several very desperate distempers, which became so troublesome to children by seeing them, that most of them died.
2 There was there a woman who had a sick son, whom she brought, when he was at the point of death, to the Lady St. Mary, who saw her when she was washing Jesus Christ.
3 Then said the woman, O my Lady Mary, look down upon this my son, who is afflicted with most dreadful pains.

  1. St. Mary hearing her, said, Take a little of that water with which I have washed my son, and sprinkle it upon him.
    5 Then she took a little of that water, as St. Mary had commanded, and sprinkled it upon her son, who being wearied with his violent pains, had fallen asleep; and after he had slept a little, awaked perfectly well and recovered.
    6 The mother being abundantly glad of this success, went again to St. Mary, and St. Mary said to her, Give praise to God, who hath cured this thy son.
    7 There was in the same place another woman, a neighbour of her, whose son was now cured.
    8 This woman’s son was afflicted with the same disease, and his eyes were now almost quite shut, and she was lamenting for him day and night.
    9 The mother of the child which was cured, said to her, Why do you not bring your son to St. Mary, as I brought my son to her, when he was in the agonies of death; and he was cured by that water, with which the body of her son Jesus was washed?
    10 When the woman heard her say this, she also went, and having procured the same water, washed her son with it, whereupon his body and his eyes were instantly restored to their former state.
    11 And when she brought her son to St. Mary, and opened his case to her, she commanded her to give thanks to God for the recovery of her son’s health, and tell no one what had happened.

Here we are presented with the tale of Jesus’ bath water as the perfect cure-all. Somehow, I never heard believers ask God for Jesus’ bath water during prayers. What a shame.

But there is a solution. Jesus manifested himself to many people, after his death. Jesus promised, if 2 or more people are assembled in his name, he will be among them. Jesus also promised to give ANYTHING that is asked of him.

• 1 Corinthians 15:4 And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:5 And that he was seen of Cephas, then of the twelve:6 After that, he was seen of above five hundred brethren at once; of whom the greater part remain unto this present, but some are fallen asleep.7 After that, he was seen of James; then of all the apostles.8 And last of all he was seen of me also, as of one born out of due time.

• Matthew 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

• John 14:13 And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.14 If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.

After an exhaustive investigation, I found out that Jesus will be at church, during the next service. As we read in 1 Corinthians, he doesn’t have a problem being seen by his followers. If there are 2 or more suckers, I mean believers present, we are good to go. Step 3 is the cherry on top.

Ask Jesus to bring some of his bath water so we can wipe out all the diseases affecting the world. Do it, especially for the 5 million children who suffer and die every single year. Think about it, we can get rid of the coronavirus, heart disease, racism, corruption, politics, religion, Ebola, malaria, AIDS, and cable TV.

We can clearly see how God is re-invented, given a second chance in the New Testament, when Jesus takes over the business of deity from his father. Mary is using the best of Jesus, his dirty diapers and bath water, to cure children. That’s a sharp contrast from his father who is the most accomplished baby killer in human and celestial history. While the father couldn’t resist his tremendous itch to slaughter infants (hell, he ends up butchering his own kid), we can see a gentler Jesus showing his care and compassion toward the babies his father hates so much. Mary’s little lamb is taking over, and he will not be better than his dad.

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