Biblical stupidity 2504

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The first Gospel of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)

1 Two wives of one man, each have a son sick. 2 One of them, named Mary, and whose son’s name was Caleb, presents the Virgin with a handsome carpet, and Caleb is cured; but the son of the other wife dies, 4 which occasions a difference between the women. 5 The other wife puts Caleb into a hot oven, and he is miraculously preserved; 9 she afterwards throws him into a well, and he is again preserved; 11 his mother appeals to the Virgin against the other wife, 12, whose downfall the Virgin prophesies, 13 and who accordingly falls into the well, 14 therein fulfilling a saying of old.
THERE were in the same city two wives of one man, who had each a son sick. One of them was called Mary and her son’s name was Caleb.
2 She arose, and taking her son, went to the Lady St. Mary, the mother of Jesus, and offered her a very handsome carpet, saying, O my Lady Mary accept this carpet of me, and instead of it give me a small swaddling cloth.
3 To this Mary agreed, and when the mother of Caleb was gone, she made a coat for her son of the swaddling cloth, put it on him, and his disease was cured; but the son of the other wife died.
4 Hereupon there arose between them, a difference in doing the business of the family by turns, each her week.
5 And when the turn of Mary the mother of Caleb came, and she was heating the oven to bake bread, and went away to fetch the meal, she left her son Caleb by the oven;
6 Whom, the other wife, her rival, seeing to be by himself, took and cast him into the oven, which was very hot, and then went away.
7 Mary on her return saw her son Caleb lying in the middle of the oven laughing, and the oven quite as cold as though it had not been before heated, and knew that her rival the other wife had thrown him into the fire.
8 When she took him out, she brought him to the Lady St. Mary, and told her the story, to whom she replied, Be quiet, I am concerned lest thou shouldest make this matter known.
9 After this her rival, the other wife, as she was drawing water at the well, and saw Caleb playing by the well, and that no one was near, took him, and threw him into the well.
10 And when some men came to fetch water from the well, they saw the boy sitting on the superficies of the water, and drew him out with ropes, and were exceedingly surprised at the child, and praised God.
11 Then came the mother and took him and carried him to the Lady St. Mary, lamenting and saying, O my Lady, see what my rival hath done to my son, and how she hath cast him into the well, and I do not question but one time or other she will be the occasion of his death.
12 St. Mary replied to her, God will vindicate your injured cause.
13 Accordingly a few days after, when the other wife came to the well to draw water, her foot was entangled in the rope, so that she fell headlong into the well, and they who ran to her assistance, found her skull broken, and bones bruised.
14 So she came to a bad end, and in her was fulfilled that saying of the author, They digged a well, and made it deep, but fell themselves into the pit which they prepared.

If nothing else in the bible caused you to laugh; well, this is it. 2 wives, married to the same man; one good and the other a nasty bitch. Mary, mother of Caleb went to Mary, mother of Jesus and traded a pricey carpet for some used diaper. Holy shit!

Caleb is cured, his nameless half-brother kicks the bucket. The nameless wife is pissed, of course. She tries to bake Caleb like a pepperoni pizza. When that failed, she throws him down a well, to cool him off. That doesn’t work either. Mary, mother of Caleb, who should have been more careful, complained to Mary, mother of Jesus, who tells her “she who lives by the sword shall die by the sword” or something like that.

If you didn’t even giggle while reading that chapter, please check your pulse.

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