There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The first Gospel of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)
1 Bartholomew, when a child and sick, miraculously restored by being laid on Christ’s bed.
ANOTHER woman in that city had likewise two sons sick.
2 And when one was dead, the other, who lay at the point of death, she took in her arms to the Lady St. Mary, and in a flood of tears addressed herself to her, saying,
3 O my Lady, help and relieve me; for I had two sons, the one I have just now buried, the other I see is just at the point of death, behold how I (earnestly) seek favour from God, and pray to him.
4 Then she said, O Lord, thou art gracious, and merciful, and kind; thou hast given me two sons; one of them thou hast taken to thyself, O spare me this other.
5 St. Mary then perceiving the greatness of her sorrow, pitied her and said, Do thou place thy son in my son’s bed, and cover him with his clothes.
6 And when she had placed him in the bed wherein Christ lay, at the moment when his eyes were just closed by death; as soon as ever the smell of the garments of the Lord Jesus Christ reached the boy, his eyes were opened, and calling with a loud voice to his mother, he asked for bread, and when he had received it, he sucked it.
7 Then his mother said, O Lady Mary, now I am assured that the powers of God do dwell in you, so that thy son can cure children who are of the same sort as himself, as soon as they touch his garments.
8 This boy who was thus cured, is the same who in the Gospel is called Bartholomew.
Verse 6 of chapter VIII reported a conversation between Jesus and Mary; now Jesus is back as a baby. Yet, Mary is outperforming Jesus when it comes to miracles. She is curing everything in sight with dirty diapers. Another desperate woman’s turn is upon us, with one dead child and the other at the point of death. Mary told her to place the child in Jesus’ wet bed and voila.
Verse 6 is amazingly descriptive; the smell of the wet bed and sucking the bread.
Verse 8 is my favorite, “This boy who was thus cured, is the same who in the Gospel is called Bartholomew, (aka Bartholomew JoJo Simpson.)