Biblical stupidity 2508

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The first Gospel of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)

CHAP. XIV.
1 Judas when a boy possessed by Satan, and brought by his parents to Jesus to be cured, whom he tries to bite, 7 but failing, strikes Jesus and makes him cry out. Whereupon Satan goes from Jesus in the shape of a dog.

ANOTHER woman likewise lived there, whose son was possessed by Satan.
2 This boy, named Judas, as often as Satan seized him, was inclined to bite all that were present; and if he found no one else near him, he would bite his own hands and other parts.
3 But the mother of this miserable boy, hearing of St. Mary and her son Jesus, arose presently, and taking her son in her arms, brought him to the Lady Mary.
4 In the meantime, James and Joses had taken away the infant, the Lord Jesus, to play at a proper season with other children; and when they went forth, they sat down and the Lord Jesus with them.
5 Then Judas, who was possessed, came and sat down at the right hand of Jesus.
6 When Satan was acting upon him as usual, he went about to bite the Lord Jesus.
7 And because he could not do it, he struck Jesus on the right side, so that he cried out.
8 And in the same moment Satan went out of the boy, and ran away like a mad dog.
9 This same boy who struck Jesus, and out of whom Satan went in the form of a dog, was Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him to the Jews.
10 And that same side, on which Judas struck him, the Jews pierced with a spear.

This chapter should be read only with your chest high waders firmly on. Are you ready for some fun; biblical fun, that is?

Please note that, after the birth of Jesus, we don’t hear anymore from the holy buzzard who is taking a break from impregnating women. Meanwhile, Satan is all over the place, hiding in people. Presently he is using a boy named Judas to bite anyone near.

James and Joses took their little brother Jesus to play with other kids. Guess who showed up? Yes, little biting Judas who sat next to Jesus and tried to “eat the body of Christ”. When he couldn’t, he laid the smackdown on Jesus who cried instead of presenting the other cheek. Then “Satan went out of the boy and ran away like a mad dog.” If you can believe this, you smoked and drank things you should have stayed away from.

Verse 6 is very confusing. It sounds like little Judas was wrong for doing what Christians do at every service, in every church. It’s called “communion”; they take a bite out of Jesus, eat his body and drink his blood. So Judas was doing the right thing.

Hold it! don’t stop laughing yet; the boy Judas turned out to be Judas Iscariot, who will sell Jesus to the Jews. Well he didn’t really do it on his own, the idea was part of the scenario that God wrote to murder his only son. He works in delirious ways!

Wait, please don’t put the barrel of monkeys away, there is more: Verse 10 states that the Jews pierced Jesus with a spear on the side Judas struck him, which is the right side according to verse 7. That’s not where the heart is located; the human heart is accurately situated on the left side of your chest. So now, when your pastor tells the congregation “they pierced his heart”; at least you will know the crook is lying again.

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