Biblical stupidity 2510

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The first Gospel of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)

CHAP. XVI.
1 Christ miraculously widens or contracts the gates, milk-pails, sieves, or bones, not properly made by Joseph, 4 he not being skilful at his carpenter’s trade. 5 The King of Jerusalem gives Joseph an order for a throne. 6 Joseph works on it for two years in the king’s palace, and makes it two spans too short. The king being angry with. him, 10 Jesus comforts him, 13 commands him to pull one side of the throne, while he pulls the other, and brings it to its proper dimensions. 14 Whereupon the bystanders praise God.

AND Joseph, wheresoever he went in the city, took the Lord Jesus with him, where he was sent for to work to make gates, or milk-pails, or sieves, or boxes; the Lord Jesus was with him wheresoever he went.
2 And as often as Joseph had anything in his work, to make longer or shorter, or wider, or narrower, the Lord Jesus would stretch his hand towards it.
3 And presently it became as Joseph would have it.
4 So that he had no need to finish anything with his own hands, for he was not very skilful at his carpenter’s trade.
5 On a certain time the King of Jerusalem sent for him, and said, I would have thee make me a throne of the same dimensions with that place in which I commonly sit.
6 Joseph obeyed, and forthwith began the work, and continued two years in the king’s palace before he finished it.
7 And when he came to fix it in its place, he found it wanted two spans on each side of the appointed measure.
8 Which, when the king saw, he was very angry with Joseph;
9 And Joseph afraid of the king’s anger, went to bed without his supper, taking not any thing to eat.
10 Then the Lord Jesus asked him, What he was afraid of?
11 Joseph replied, Because I have lost my labour in the work which I have been about these two years.
12 Jesus said to him, Fear not, neither be cast down;
13 Do thou lay hold on one side of the throne, and I will the other, and we will bring it to its just dimensions.
14 And when Joseph had done as the Lord Jesus said, and each of them had with strength drawn his side, the throne obeyed, and was brought to the proper dimensions of the place:
15 Which miracle when they who stood by saw, they were astonished, and praised God.
16 The throne was made of the same wood, which was in being in Solomon’s time, namely, wood adorned with various shapes and figures.

Many times, I lament the bible’s treatment of Joseph, which is expected in a book written by the adulterous God who banged his wife. Joseph is known in the bible as a carpenter. On many occasions, the bible has emasculated Joseph, for no reason other than God’s jealousy. Now, we are presented with the slanderous opinion that Joseph sucked as a carpenter. It’s hard to believe a worker who was traveling to other cities and towns to work, didn’t know what the hell he was doing. With God, anything is possible. There are so many inconsistencies and outright lies in the bible, could it be that God was on drugs when he inspired one more lie?

Anyway, Joseph decides to use some child labor, in the form of God’s son, to compensate for his lack of skills as a carpenter. He takes Jesus with him everywhere, and the boy wonder correct his stepdad’s many mistakes.

King Solomon is pissed at Joseph who screwed up his order by 3’ (18” on each side). Not too worry, Joseph has his carpentry eraser right by his side. Jesus fixes the problem by stretching the wooden throne which was adorned with various shapes and figures. That technique is still in use today in carpentry and is called Bull Stretching.

Let’s get back to verse 16 and the mention of Solomon’s time. The conventional dates of Solomon’s reign are about 970 to 931 BCE, normally given in alignment with the dates of David’s reign. Once again, this is why the bible fails on many occasions to specify the date and place of certain events it describes; when it does, its’ a fiasco of enormous (biblical) proportion.

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