Biblical stupidity 2512

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The first Gospel of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)

1 Jesus becomes the king of his playfellows, and they crown him with flowers, 4 miraculously causes a serpent who had bitten Simon the Cananite, then a boy, to suck our all the poison again; 16 the serpent bursts, and Christ restores the boy to health.

IN the month Adar Jesus gathered together the boys, and ranked them as though he had been a king.
2 For they spread their garments on the ground for him to sit on; and having made a crown of flowers, put it upon his head, and stood on his right and left as the guards of a king.
3 And if any one happened to pass by, they took him by force, and said, Come hither, and worship the king, that you may have a prosperous journey.
4 In the mean time, while these things were doing, there came certain men, carrying a boy upon a couch;
5 For this boy having gone with his companions to the mountain to gather wood, and having found there a partridge’s nest, and put his hand in to take out the eggs, was stung by a poisonous serpent, which leaped out of the nest; so that he was forced to cry out for the help of his companions: who, when they came, found him lying upon the earth like a dead person.
6 After which his neighbours came and carried him back into the city.
7 But when they came to the place where the Lord Jesus was sitting like a king, and the other boys stood around him like his ministers, the boys made haste to meet him, who was bitten by the serpent, and said to his neighbours, Come and pay your respects to the king;
8 But when, by reason of their sorrow, they refused to come, the boys drew them, and forced them against their wills to come.
9 And when they came to the Lord Jesus, he inquired, On what account they carried that boy?
10 And when they answered, that a serpent had bitten him, the Lord Jesus said to the boys, Let us go and kill that serpent.
11 But when the parents of the boy desired to be excused, because their son lay at the point of death; the boys made answer, and said, Did not ye hear what the king said? Let us go and kill the serpent; and will not ye obey him?
12 So they brought the couch back again, whether they would or not.
13 And when they were come to the nest, the Lord Jesus said to the boys, Is this the serpent’s lurking place? They said, It was.
14 Then the Lord Jesus calling the serpent, it presently came forth and submitted to him; to whom he said, Go and suck out all the poison which thou hast infused into that boy;
15 So the serpent crept to the boy, and took away all its poison again.
16 Then the Lord Jesus cursed the serpent so that it immediately burst asunder, and died.
17 And he touched the boy with his hand to restore him to his former health;
18 And when he began to cry, the Lord Jesus said, Cease crying, for hereafter thou shalt be my disciple;
19 And this is that Simon the Canaanite, who is mentioned in the Gospel.

How much more BS can you take? This story is way funnier than the 3 little pigs. The crown of flowers was over the top. Imagine the king of thorns started as the king of flowers.

Here we have a month, but not the year. But it’s the bible, why risk making more mistakes? Adar (Hebrew: אֲדָר‎ Adar; from Akkadian adaru) is the sixth month of the civil year and the twelfth month of the ecclesiastical year on the Hebrew calendar, roughly corresponding to the month of March in the Gregorian calendar. It is a winter month of 29 days.

Leave it to the bible to place a snake story in the winter. Nevertheless, little Jesus is playing king with the boys and, lo and behold, a snake bit another boy. WWJD? He talked and ordered the snake to suck the poison from the boy. Jesus is holding a conversation with a snake. Then Jesus cursed and blew up the snake for doing what comes naturally to snakes. Yes, the same Jesus who was there when the snake was created, the same Jesus who knew or should have known the snake was in the partridge’s nest, the same Jesus who needed to show off his magic tricks like his daddy used to.

The Lord works in delirious ways. Can I have an AMEN, brothers and sisters?

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