Biblical stupidity 2513

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The first Gospel of the INFANCY of JESUS CHRIST. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)

1 James being bitten by a viper, Jesus blows on the wound and cures him. 4. Jesus charged with throwing a boy from the roof of a house, 10 miraculously causes the dead boy to acquit him, 12 fetches water for his mother, breaks the pitcher and miraculously gathers the water in his mantle and brings it home, 16 makes fish-pools on the Sabbath, 20 causes a boy to die who broke them down, 22 another boy run against him, whom he also causes to die.

ON another day Joseph sent his son James to gather wood and the Lord Jesus went with him;
2 And when they came to the place where the wood was, and James began to gather it, behold, a venomous viper bit him, so that he began to cry, and make a noise.
3 The Lord Jesus seeing him in this condition, came to him, and blowed upon the place where the viper had bit him, and it was instantly well.
4 On a certain day the Lord Jesus was with some boys, who were playing on the housetop, and one of the boys fell down, and presently died.
5 Upon which the other boys all running away, the Lord Jesus was left alone on the house-top.
6 And the boy’s relations came to him and said to the Lord Jesus, Thou didst throw our son down from the housetop.
7 But he denying it, they cried out, Our son is dead, and this is he who killed him.
8 The Lord Jesus replied to them, Do not charge me with a crime, of which you are not able to convict me, but let us go ask the boy himself, who will bring the truth to light.
9 Then the Lord Jesus going down stood over the head of the dead boy, and said with a loud voice, Zeinunus, Zeinunus, who threw thee down from the housetop?
10 Then the dead boy answered, thou didst not throw me down, but such a one did.
11 And when the Lord Jesus bade those who stood by to take notice of his words, all who were present praised God on account of that miracle.
12 On a certain time the Lady St. Mary had commanded the Lord Jesus to fetch her some water out of the well;
13 And when he had gone to fetch the water, the pitcher, when it was brought up full, brake.
14 But Jesus spreading his mantle gathered up the water again, and brought it in that to his mother.
15 Who, being astonished at this wonderful thing, laid up this, and all the other things which she had seen, in her memory.
16 Again on another day the Lord Jesus was with some boys by a river and they drew water out of the river by little channels, and made little fish-pools.
17 But the Lord Jesus had made twelve sparrows, and placed them about his pool on each side, three on a side.
18 But it was the Sabbath day, and the son of Hanani a Jew came by, and saw them making these things, and said, Do ye thus make figures of clay on the Sabbath? And he ran to them, and broke down their fish-pools.
19 But when the Lord Jesus clapped his hands over the sparrows which he had made, they fled away chirping.
20 At length the son of Hanani coming to the fish-pool of Jesus to destroy it, the water vanished away, and the Lord Jesus said to him,
21 In like manner as this water has vanished, so shall thy life vanish; and presently the boy died.
22 Another time, when the Lord Jesus was coming home in the evening with Joseph, he met a boy, who ran so hard against him, that he threw him down;
23 To whom the Lord Jesus said, As thou hast thrown me down, so shalt thou fall, nor ever rise.
24 And that moment the boy fell down and died.

Are you ready for yet more BS? This chapter is very interesting because it’s the start of Jesus’ sins. Nothing exposes the stupidity of religion like the bible, especially when pretenders, who haven’t read it, feel the need to explain what’s in it.

Another snake bite, this time, the victim is Jesus’ older brother James* sent by dad Joseph to gather some wood. Not to worry; Jesus sucks the poison out.

(Note: *This is the same James, brother of Jesus, that St Paul, aka Saul of Tarsus, tried to kill by pushing him down the stairs of the temple around 62AD. Paul’s physical attack on James is correctly recorded by the Ebionites in the Clementine Homilies. Paul aka Simon Magus attacked James the Just and left him for dead. However, it makes no mention that James died from the injuries. There were a lot of friction between Paul and James who maintained that Paul was not a valid apostle of Jesus. I wondered many times why the Catholic church chose to follow Paul’s teachings.)

On another day, one of Jesus’ nameless playmates falls from a rooftop and dies. Jesus is accused by the parents. He talks to the dead boy who said Jesus didn’t push him, another nameless boy did. The dead can talk?

Another time, Mary sent Jesus to fetch some water; the pitcher breaks and Jesus still brings the water in his poncho.

On yet another day, Jesus is playing by the river. This is Jesus’ first sin, won’t be his last, he broke the Sabbath by making more clay birds which he causes to fly (Commandment #2 and #4). This will not be the only time Jesus breaks the Sabbath; he will steal corn later with his disciples on the Sabbath.

The nameless son of Hanani the Jew complains and broke down the fish-pools. Jesus kills him. Second sin: thou shall not kill. (Commandment #6)

Yet another day, while Jesus was with Joseph, he kills another boy who ran into him. (Commandment #6)

Jesus left his father/himself no choice but to kill him/self. (Exodus 31:15 Six days may work be done; but in the seventh is the sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD: whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death.)

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