There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The GOSPEL of NICODEMUS, formerly called the ACTS of PONTIUS PILATE. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)
1 Manner of Christ’s crucifixion with the two thieves.
THEN Jesus went out of the hall, and the two thieves with him.
2 And when they came to the place which is called Golgotha, they stript him of his raiment, and girt him about with a linen cloth, and put a crown of thorns upon his head, and put a reed in his hand.
3 And in like manner did they to the two thieves who were crucified with him, Dimas on his right hand and Gestas on his left.
4 But Jesus said, My Father, forgive them; For they know not what they do.
5 And they divided his garments, and upon his vesture they cast lots.
6 The people in the mean time stood by, and the chief priests and elders of the Jews mocked him, saying, he saved others, let him now save himself if he can; if he be the son of God, let him now come down from the cross.
7 The soldiers also mocked him, and taking vinegar and gall offered it to him to drink, and said to him, If thou art king of the Jews deliver thyself.
8 Then Longinus, a certain soldier, taking a spear, pierced his side, and presently there came forth blood and water.
9 And Pilate wrote the title upon the cross in Hebrew, Latin, and Greek letters. This is the king of the Jews.
10 But one of the two thieves who were crucified with Jesus, whose name was Gestas, said to Jesus, If thou art the Christ, deliver thyself and us.
11 But the thief who was crucified on his right hand, whose name was Dimas, answering, rebuked him, and said, Dost not thou fear God, who art condemned to this punishment? We indeed receive rightly and justly the demerit of our actions; but this Jesus, what evil hath he done?
12 After this groaning, he said to Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom.
13 Jesus answering, said to him, Verily I say unto thee, that this day thou shalt be with me in Paradise.
Just more BS, this time about the Cruci-fiction. A nice scenario, stolen from ancient tales, manipulated, re-designed to further the cause of European hallucination to control the world.
Please enjoy the moment when Jesus tells Dimas “Verily I say unto thee, that this day thou shalt be with me in Paradise” knowing full well, or maybe not, than he was to stay in the tomb for 1 day and a few hours.
“Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!
But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money!”
― George Carlin