Biblical stupidity 2538

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The GOSPEL of NICODEMUS, formerly called the ACTS of PONTIUS PILATE. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)

CHAP. X.
1 Joseph’s escape. 2 The soldiers relate Christ’s resurrection. 18 Christ is seen preaching in Galilee. 21 The Jews repent of their cruelty to him.

WHEN all the assembly heard this, they admired and were astonished, because they found the same seal upon the lock of the chamber, and could not find Joseph.
2 Then Annas and Caiaphas went forth, and while they were all admiring at Joseph’s being gone, behold one of the soldiers, who kept the sepulchre of Jesus, spake in the assembly.
3 That while they were guarding the sepulchre of Jesus, there was an earthquake; and we saw an angel of God roll away the stone of the sepulchre and sit upon it;
4 And his countenance was like lightning and his garment like snow; and we became through fear like persons dead.
5 And we heard an angel saying to the women at the sepulchre of Jesus, Do not fear; I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified; he is risen as he foretold.
6 Come and see the place where he was laid; and go presently, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead, and he will go before you into Galilee; there ye shall see him as he told you.
7 Then the Jews called together all the soldiers who kept the sepulchre of Jesus, and said to them, Who are those women, to whom the angel spoke? Why did ye not seize them?
8 The soldiers answered and said, We know not whom the women were; besides we became as dead persons through fear, and how could we seize those women?
9 The Jews said to them, As the Lord liveth we do not believe you.
10 The soldiers answering said to the Jews, when ye saw and heard Jesus working so many miracles, and did not believe him, how should ye believe us? Ye well said, As the Lord liveth, for the Lord truly does live.
11 We have heard that ye shut up Joseph, who buried the body of Jesus, in a chamber, under a lock which was sealed; and when ye opened it, found him not there.
12 Do ye then produce Joseph whom ye put under guard in the chamber, and we will produce Jesus whom we guarded in the sepulchre.
13 The Jews answered and said, We will produce Joseph, do ye produce Jesus. But Joseph is in his own city of Arimathæa.
14 The soldiers replied, If Joseph be in Arimathæa, and Jesus in Galilee, we heard the angel inform the women.
15 The Jews hearing this, were afraid, and said among themselves, If by any means these things should become public, then every body will believe in Jesus.
16 Then they gathered a large sum of money, and gave it to the soldiers, saying, Do ye tell the people that the disciples of Jesus came in the night when ye were asleep and stole away the body of Jesus; and if Pilate the governor should hear of this, we will satisfy him and secure you.
17 The soldiers accordingly took the money, and said as they were instructed by the Jews; and their report was spread abroad among the people.
18 But a certain priest Phinees, a schoolmaster, and a Levite, named Ageus, they three came from Galilee to Jerusalem, and told the chief priests and all who were in the synagogues, saying,
19 We have seen Jesus, whom ye crucified, talking with his eleven disciples, and sitting in the midst of them in Mount Olivet, and saying to them,
20 Go forth into the whole world, preach the Gospel to all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Ghost; and whosoever shall believe and be baptized, shall be saved.
21 And when he had said these things to his disciples, we saw him ascending up to heaven.
22 When the chief priests, and elders, and Levites heard these things, they said to these three men, Give glory to the God of Israel, and make confession to him, whether those things are true, which ye say ye have seen and heard.
23 They answering said, As the Lord of our fathers liveth, the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, according as we heard Jesus talking with his disciples, and according as we saw him ascending up to heaven, so we have related the truth to you.
24 And the three men farther answered, and said, adding these words, If we should not own the words which we heard Jesus speak, and that we saw him ascending into heaven, we should be guilty of sin.
25 Then the chief priests immediately rose up, and holding the book of the law in their hands, conjured these men, saying, Ye shall no more hereafter declare those things which ye have spoke concerning Jesus.
26 And they gave them a large sum of money, and sent other persons along with them, who should conduct them to their own country, that they might not by any means make any stay at Jerusalem.
27 Then the Jews did assemble all together, and having expressed the most lamentable concern, said, What is this extraordinary thing which is come to pass in Jerusalem?
28 But Annas and Caiaphas comforted them, saying, Why should we believe the soldiers who guarded the sepulchre of Jesus, in telling us, that an angel rolled away the stone from the door of the sepulchre?
29 Perhaps his own disciples told them this, and gave them money that they should say so, and they themselves took away the body of Jesus.
30 Besides, consider this, that there is no credit to be given to foreigners, 1 because they also took a large sum of us, and they have declared to us according to the instructions which we gave them. They must either be faithful to us, or to the disciples of Jesus.

More BS. Questions to be asked: If God really didn’t lose a son, how is that a “sacrifice”? Where were Jesus’ Jewish friends, apostles and disciples before and during the Cruci-fiction? An African helped him carry the cross.

Osiris and Horus both were associated with and/or identified as a cross, such as the ankh, which, like the cross of Jesus, represents eternal life. Horus is identified with the cross in several ways, using the ankh, for instance, to raise Osiris from the dead.

“Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.”
― Voltaire,

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