There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The GOSPEL of NICODEMUS, formerly called the ACTS of PONTIUS PILATE. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)
1 The Jews astonished and confounded. 17 Simeon’s two sons, Charinus and Lenthius, rise from the dead at Christ’s crucifixion. 19 Joseph proposes to get them to relate the mysteries of their resurrection. 21 They are sought and found, 22 brought to the synagogue, 23 privately sworn to secrecy, 25 and undertake to write what they had seen.
WHEN the chief priests and heard all these things, they were astonished, and fell down with their faces on the ground as dead men, and crying out to one another said, What is this extraordinary sign which is come to pass in Jerusalem? We know the father and mother of Jesus.
2 And a certain Levite said, I know many of his relations, religious persons, who are wont to offer sacrifices and burnt-offerings to the God of Israel, in the temple, with prayers.
3 And when the high priest Simeon took him up in his arms. he said to him, Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word; for mine eyes have seen thy salvation, which thou hast prepared before the face of all people: a light to enlighten the Gentiles, and the glory of thy people Israel.
4 Simeon in like manner blessed Mary the mother of Jesus, and said to her, I declare to thee concerning that child; He is appointed for the fall and rising again of many, and for a sign which shall be spoken against.
5 Yea, a sword shall pierce through thine own soul also, and the thoughts of many hearts shall be revealed.
6 Then said all the Jews, Let us send to those three men, who said they saw him talking with his disciples in Mount Olivet.
7 After this, they asked them what they had seen; who answered with one accord, In the presence of the God of Israel we affirm, that we plainly saw Jesus talking with his disciples in Mount Olivet, and ascending up to heaven.
8 Then Annas and Caiaphas took them into separate places, and examined them separately; who unanimously confessed the truth, and said, they had seen Jesus.
9 Then Annas and Caiaphas said “Our law saith, By the mouth of two or three witnesses every word shall be established.”
10 But what have we said? The blessed Enoch pleased God, and was translated by the word of God; and the burying-place of the blessed Moses is known.
11 But Jesus was delivered to Pilate, whipped, crowned with thorns, spit upon, pierced with a spear, crucified, died upon the cross, and was buried, and his body the honorable Joseph buried in a new sepulchre, and he testifies that he saw him alive.
12 And besides these men have declared, that they saw him talking with his disciples in Mount Olivet, and ascending up to heaven.
13 Then Joseph rising up. said to Annas and Caiaphas, Ye may be justly under a great surprise, that you have been told, that Jesus is alive, and gone up to heaven.
14 It is indeed a thing really surprising, that he should not only himself arise from the dead, but also raise others from their graves, who have been seen by many in Jerusalem.
15 And now hear me a little: We all knew the blessed Simeon, the high-priest, who took Jesus when an infant into his arms in the temple.
16 This same Simeon had two sons of his own, and we were all present at their death and funeral.
17 Go therefore and see their tombs, for these are open, and they are risen: and behold, they are in the city of Arimathæa, spending their time together in offices of devotion.
18 Some, indeed, have heard the sound of their voices in prayer, but they will not discourse with any one, but they continue as mute as dead men.
19 But come, let us go to them, and behave ourselves towards them with all due respect and caution. And if we can bring them to swear, perhaps they will tell us some of the mysteries of their resurrection.
20 When the Jews heard this, they were exceedingly rejoiced.
21 Then Annas and Caiaphas, Nicodemus, Joseph, and Gamaliel, went to Arimathæa, but did not find them in their graves; but walking about the city, they bound them on their bended knees at their devotions:
22 Then saluting them with all respect and deference to God, they brought them to the synagogue at Jerusalem: and having shut the gates, they took the book of the law of the Lord,
23 And putting it in their hands, swore them by God Adonai, and the God of Israel, who spake to our fathers by the law and the prophets, saying, If ye believe him who raised you from the dead, to be Jesus, tell us what ye have seen, and how ye were raised from the dead.
24 Charinus and Lenthius, the two sons of Simeon, trembled when they heard these things, and were disturbed, and groaned; and at the same time looking up to heaven, they made the sign of the cross with their fingers on their tongues.
25 And immediately they spake, and said, Give each of us some paper, and we will write down for you all those things which we have seen. And they each sat down and wrote, saying,
A copious amount of threats and BS is all that is needed to start a religion designed to control the uneducated. Organized religion is more manure than any human being should be subjected to.
“We must question the story logic of having an all-knowing-all-powerful God, who creates faulty humans, and then blames them for his own mistakes.” – Gene Roddenberry