Wednesday morning

My fellow Americans,
When you wake up on Wednesday with the election hangover, I want you to know that I will be here for you. No matter who wins the election, some of you will feel dejected because your millionaire best friend lost. As the sun continues to rise in the East, many will display that dumb facial look of “what just happened here?”
As usual, I will adhere to my dad’s advice that “expectation breeds resentment.” I am not expecting my candidate to win because I didn’t have a choice. Instead, I will spend my energy, caring for the many who didn’t know that voters do not elect the president of the United British States of America.
I want you to know that I will be here, laughing at your silly ass. After all, what’s a friend for?

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