There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The ACTS of PAUL and THECLA. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)
Tertullian says that this piece was forged by a Presbyter of Asia, who being convicted, “confessed that he did it out of respect of Paul,” and Pope Gelasius, in his Decree against apocryphal books, inserted it among them.
More importantly, these religious teachings center around Paul; and, in this particular instance, present the martyrdom of the virgin Thecla, who died in a most unique way.
Pre-135 BCE until 315AD, long before there was a Jesus, the God of the day was Serapis Christus whose marble image can be seen in the London Museum. His followers were the only ones deserving of the word “Christians” and his image is the one they used for Jesus today. The outcome of the Council of Nicaea in 325AD, where Jesus was created, was the transformation from Serapis Christus, which means Christ the Savior, to Jesus Christ by edict of Emperor Constantine in 325 A.D. The religion morphed soon into the cult of Paul, making it Paulianity, and no longer Christianity.
1 Thecla sought and found by her relations. 4 Brought with Paul before the governor. 9 Ordered to be burnt, and Paul to be whipt. 15 Thecla miraculously saved.
AT length Thecla was missed, and sought for by the family and by Thamyris in every street, as though she had been lost, but one of the porter’s fellow-servants told them, that she had gone out in the night-time.
2 Then they examined the porter, and he told them, that she was gone to the prison to the strange man.
3 They went therefore according to his direction, and there found her; and when they came out, they got a mob together, and went and told the governor all that happened.
4 Upon which he ordered Paul to be brought before his judgment seat.
5 Thecla in the mean time lay wallowing on the ground in the prison, in that same place where Paul had sat to teach her; upon which the governor also ordered her to be brought before his judgment-seat; which summons she received with joy, and went.
6 When Paul was brought thither, the mob with more vehemence cried out, He is a magician, let him die.
7 Nevertheless the governor attended with pleasure upon Paul’s discourses of the holy works of Christ; and, after a council called, he summoned Thecla, and said to her, Why do you not, according to the law of the Iconians, marry Thamyris?
8 She stood still, with her eyes fixed upon Paul; and finding she made no reply, Theoclia, her mother, cried out, saying, Let the unjust creature be burnt; let her be burnt in the midst of the theatre, for refusing Thamyris, that all women may learn from her to avoid such practices.
9 Then the governor was exceedingly concerned, and ordered Paul to be whipt out of the city, and Thecla to be burnt.
10 So the governor arose, and went immediately into the theatre; and all the people went forth to see the dismal sight.
11 But Thecla, just as a lamb in the wilderness looks every way to see his shepherd, looked around for Paul;
12 And as she was looking upon the multitude, she saw the Lord Jesus in the likeness of Paul, and said to herself, Paul is come to see me in my distressed circumstances. And she fixed her eyes upon him; but he instantly ascended up to heaven, while she looked on him.
13 Then the young men and women brought wood and straw for the burning of Thecla; who, being brought naked to the stake, extorted tears from the governor, with surprise beholding the greatness of her beauty.
14 And when they had placed the wood in order, the people commanded her to go upon it; which she did, first making the sign of the cross.
15 Then the people set fire to the pile; though the flame was exceeding large, it did not touch her, for God took compassion on her, and caused a great eruption from the earth beneath, and a cloud from above to pour down great quantities of rain and hail;
16 Insomuch that by the rupture of the earth, very many were in great danger, and some were killed, the fire was extinguished, and Thecla preserved.