There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The FIRST EPISTLE of CLEMENT to the CORINTHIANS. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)
Clement was a disciple of Peter, and afterwards Bishop of Rome. The authenticity of this Epistle of St. Clement has been questioned, as he introduced the fabulous story of the phœnix’s revival from its own ashes (motif B32). One must entertain if St. Clement really believed that there was such a bird, and that it did revive out of the cinders of the body after burning. Then he most likely believed in a talking snake, talking ass, Jesus walking on water, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and monsters under his bed.
1 He exhorts them to live by the rules, and repent of their divisions, and they shall be forgiven.
THESE things, beloved, we write unto you, not only for your instruction, but also for our own remembrance.
2 For we are all in the same lists, and the same combat is prepared for us all.
3 Wherefore let us lay aside all vain and empty cares; and let us come up to the glorious and venerable rule of our holy calling.
4 Let us consider what is good, and acceptable and well-pleasing in the sight of him that made us.
5 Let us look steadfastly to the blood of Christ, and see how precious his blood is in the sight of God: which being shed for our salvation, has obtained the grace of repentance for all the world.
6 Let us search into all the ages that have gone before us; and let us learn that our Lord has in every one of them still given place for repentance to all such as would turn to him.
7 Noah preached repentance; and as many as hearkened to him were saved. Jonah denounced destruction against the Ninevites:
8 Howbeit they repenting of their sins, appeased God by their prayers: and were saved, though they were strangers to the covenant of God.
9 Hence we find how all the ministers of the grace of God have spoken by the Holy Spirit of repentance. And even the Lord of all has himself declared with an oath concerning it;
10 As I live, saith the Lord, I desire not the death of a sinner, but that he should repent. Adding farther this good sentence, saying: Turn from your iniquity, O house of Israel.
11 Say unto the children of my people, Though your sins should reach from earth to heaven; and though they shall be redder than scarlet, and blacker than sackcloth; yet if ye shall turn to me with all your heart, and shall call me father, I will hearken to you, as to a holy people.
12 And in another place he saith on this wise: Wash ye, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil, learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow.
13 Come now and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red as crimson, they shall be as wool.
14 If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land; but if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword; for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it.
15 These things has God established by his Almighty will, desiring that all his beloved should come to repentance.