Biblical stupidity 2586

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The FIRST EPISTLE of CLEMENT to the CORINTHIANS. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)

Clement was a disciple of Peter, and afterwards Bishop of Rome. The authenticity of this Epistle of St. Clement has been questioned, as he introduced the fabulous story of the phœnix’s revival from its own ashes (motif B32). One must entertain if St. Clement really believed that there was such a bird, and that it did revive out of the cinders of the body after burning. Then he most likely believed in a talking snake, talking ass, Jesus walking on water, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and monsters under his bed.

CHAP. VIII.
He advises them to be humble; and that from the examples of Jesus and of holy men in all ages.

FOR Christ is theirs who are humble, and not who exalt themselves over his flock. The sceptre of the majesty of God, our Lord Jesus Christ, came not in the shew of pride and arrogance, though he could have done so; but with humility as the Holy Ghost had before spoken concerning him.
2 For thus he saith, Lord, who hath believed our report, and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed? For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground.
3 He hath no form or comeliness, and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him.
4 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
5 And we hid, as it were, our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
6 Surely he hath born our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
7 But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.
8 All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way, and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all.
9 He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter; and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.
10 He was taken from prison, and from judgment; and who shall declare his generation? For he was cut off out of the land of the living, for the transgressions of my people was he stricken.
11 And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth.
12 Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him, he hath put him to grief; when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days; and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.
13 He shall see of the travail of his soul and shall be satisfied; by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many: for he shall bear their iniquities.
14 Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul into death; and he was numbered with the transgressors, and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.
15 And again he himself saith, I am a worm and no man, a reproach of men, and despised of the people. All they that see me laugh me to scorn; they shoot out their lips, they shake their heads, saying: He trusted in the Lord that he would deliver him, let him deliver him seeing he delighted in him.
16 Ye see, beloved, what the pattern is that has been given to us. For if the Lord thus humbled himself, what should we do who are brought by him under the yoke of his grace?
17 Let us be followers of those who went about in goat-skins and sheep-skins; preaching the coming of Christ.
18 Such were Elias, and Elisæus, and Ezekiel the prophets. And let us add to these such others as have received the like testimony.
19 Abraham has been greatly witnessed of; having been called the friend of God. And yet he steadfastly beholding the glory of God, says with all humility, I am dust and ashes.
20 Again of Job it is thus written, That he was just and without blame, true; one that served God, and abstained from all evil. Yet he accusing himself, says, No man is free from pollution, no not though he should live but one day.
21 Moses was called faithful in all God’s House; and by his conduct the Lord punished Israel by stripes and plagues.
22 And even this man, though thus greatly honoured, spake not greatly of himself; but when the oracle of God was delivered to him out of the bush he said, Who am I, that thou dost send me? I am of a slender voice, and a slow tongue.
23 And again he saith, I am as the smoke of the pot.
24 And what shall we say of David, so highly testified of in the Holy Scriptures? To whom God said I have found a man after my own heart, David the son of Jesse, with my holy oil have I anointed him.
25 But yet be himself saith unto God, Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving kindness; according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies, blot out my transgressions.
26 Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.
27 Against Thee only have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight, that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
28 Behold I was shapen in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.
29 Behold, thou desireth truth in the inward parts; and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
30 Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean, wash me and I shall be whiter than snow.
31 Make me to hear joy and gladness, that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
32 Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
33 Create in me a clean heart O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
34 Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy holy spirit from me.
35 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with thy free spirit.
36 Then I will teach transgressors thy ways, and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
37 Deliver me from blood-guiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
38 O Lord open thou my lips, and my mouth shall show forth thy praise.
39 For thou desirest not sacrifice, else would I give it; thou delightest not in burnt offerings.
40 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

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