Biblical stupidity 2590

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The FIRST EPISTLE of CLEMENT to the CORINTHIANS. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)

Clement was a disciple of Peter, and afterwards Bishop of Rome. The authenticity of this Epistle of St. Clement has been questioned, as he introduced the fabulous story of the phœnix’s revival from its own ashes (motif B32). One must entertain if St. Clement really believed that there was such a bird, and that it did revive out of the cinders of the body after burning. Then he most likely believed in a talking snake, talking ass, Jesus walking on water, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and monsters under his bed.

CHAP. XII.
[In Ancient Greek folklore, a phoenix is a long-lived bird that cyclically regenerates or is otherwise born again. Associated with the sun, a phoenix obtains new life by arising from the ashes of its predecessor. Some legends say it dies in a show of flames and combustion, others that it simply dies and decomposes before being born again. That’s where Christians get the bonehead idea to be born again after a baptism of fire.
Clement chose to “prove” the resurrection of Jesus, through MYTHOLOGY. It is known as the Clementine bullshit.
Disclaimer: In presenting this chapter, I must warn all the weak at heart that you may die from laughing too hard.]

The Resurrection further proved.

LET us consider that wonderful type of the resurrection which is seen in the Eastern countries; that is to say, in Arabia.
2 There is a certain bird called a Phœnix; of this there is never but one at a time: and that lives five hundred years. And when the time of its dissolution draws near, that it must die, it makes itself a nest of frankincense, and myrrh, and other spices into which when its time is fulfilled it enters and dies.
3 But its flesh putrifying, breeds a certain worm, which being nourished with the juice of the dead bird brings forth feathers; and when it is grown to a perfect state, it takes up the nest in which the bones of its parents lie, and carries it from Arabia into Egypt, to a city called Heliopolis:
4 And flying in open day in the sight of all men, lays it upon the altar of the sun, and so returns from whence it came.
5 The priests then search into the records of the time; and find that it returned precisely at the end of five hundred years.

6 And shall we then think it to be any very great and strange thing for the Lord of all to raise up those that religiously him in the assurance of good faith, when even by a bird he shews us the greatness of his power to fulfil his promise?
7 For he says in a certain place, Thou shalt raise me up, and I shall confess unto thee.
8 And again I laid me down and slept, and awaked, because thou art with me.
9 And again, Job says, Thou shalt raise up this flesh of mine, that has suffered all these things.
10 Having therefore this hope, let us hold fast to him who is faithful in all his promises, and righteous in all his judgments; who has commanded us not to lie: how much more will he not himself lie?
11 For nothing is impossible with God but to lie.
12 Let his faith then be stirred up again in us; and let us consider that all things are nigh unto him.
13 By the word of his power he made all things; and by the same word he is able (whenever he will), to destroy them.
14 Who shall say unto him, what dost thou? or who shall resist the power of his strength?
15 When, and as he pleased, he will do all things; and nothing shall pass away of all that has been determined by him.
16 All things are open before him; nor can anything be hid from his council.
17 The heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament sheweth his handy work. Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night sheweth knowledge. There is no speech nor language where their voice is not heard.

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