There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Many biblical books were deemed so stupid that 1800 imbeciles decided to ban them from the approved bible, in 325AD. Next comes The Third Book of HERMAS, which is called his SIMILITUDES. (Sit tight, hang on, we are about to discover some major BS.)
Of Repentance and alms-deeds.
AFTER that I had written this book, the angel which had delivered me to that shepherd, came into the house where I was and sat upon the bed, and that shepherd stood at his right hand.
2 Then he called me and said unto me; I delivered thee and thy house to this shepherd, that thou mightest be protected by him. I said, Yes, Lord.
3 If therefore, said he, thou wilt be protected from all vexations and from all cruelty, and have success in every good word and work; and have all virtue and righteousness; walk in those commands which he has given thee, and thou shalt have dominion over all sin.
4 For if thou keepest those commands, all the lust and pleasure of this present world shall be subject to thee; and success shall follow thee in every good undertaking.
5 Take therefore his gravity and modesty towards thee, and say unto all, that he is in great honour and renown with God, and is a prince of great authority and powerful in his office.
6 To him only is the power of repentance committed throughout the whole world. Does he not seem to thee to be of great authority?
7 But ye despise his goodness, and the modesty which he chews towards you.
8 I said unto him; Sir, ask him since the time that he came into my house whether I have done any thing disorderly, or have offended him in any thing?
9 I know, said he, that thou hast done nothing disorderly, neither wilt thou hereafter do any such thing; and therefore I speak these things with thee that thou mayest persevere; for he has given me a good account concerning thee,
10 But thou shalt speak these things to others, that they who either have repented, or shall repent, may be like-minded with thee; and he may give me as good an account of them also, and I may do the same unto the Lord.
11 I answered; Sir, I declare to all men the wonderful works of God; and I hope that all who love them and have before sinned, when they shall hear these things, will repent, and recover life.
12 Continue therefore, said he, in this ministry, and fulfil it. And whosoever shall do according to the commands of this shepherd, he shall live; and shall have great honour both here and with the Lord.
13 But they that shall not keep his commands, flee from their life, and are adversaries to it. And they that follow not his commands, shall deliver themselves unto death, and shall be every one guilty of his own blood.
14 But I say unto thee, keep these commandments, and thou shalt find a cure for all thy sins.
15 Moreover, I have sent these virgins to dwell with thee; for I have seen that they are very kind to thee. Thou shalt therefore have them for thy helpers, that thou mayest the better keep the commands which he hath given thee; for these commands cannot be kept without these virgins.
16 And I see how they are willing to be with thee; and I will also command them that they shall not all depart from thy house.
17 Only do thou purify thy house, for they will readily dwell in a clean house. For they are clean and chaste, and industrious; and all of them have grace with the Lord.
18 If therefore, thou shalt have thy house pure, they will abide with thee. But if it shall be never so little polluted, they will immediately depart from thy house: for these virgins cannot endure any manner of pollution.
19 I said unto him; Sir, I hope that I shall so please them, that they shall always delight to dwell in my house. And as he to whom you have committed me, makes no complaint of me; so neither shall they complain.
20 Then he said to that shepherd: I see that the servant of God will live and keep these commandments, and place these virgins in a pure habitation.
21 When he had said this, he delivered me again to that shepherd, and called the virgins, and said unto them; forasmuch as I see that ye will readily dwell in this man’s house, I commend him and his house to you, that ye may not at all depart from his house. And they willingly heard these words.
22 Then he said unto me, Go on manfully in thy ministry; declare to all men the great things of God, and thou shalt find grace in this ministry.
23 And whosoever shall walk in these commands, shall live, and be happy in his life. But he that shall neglect them, shall not live, and shall be unhappy in his life.
24 Say unto all that whosoever can do well, cease not to exercise themselves in good works, for it is profitable unto them. For I would that all men should be delivered from the inconveniences they lie under.
25 For he that wants, and suffers inconveniences in his daily life, is in great torment and necessity. Whosoever therefore delivers such a soul from necessity, gets great joy unto himself.
26 For he that is grieved with such inconveniences is equally tormented, as if he were in chains. And many upon the account of such calamities, being not able to bear them, have chosen even to destroy themselves.
27 He therefore that knows the calamity of such a man, and does not free him from it, commits a great sin, and is guilty of his blood.
28 Wherefore exercise yourselves in good works, as many as have received ability from the Lord; lest whilst ye delay to do them, the building of the tower be finished; because for your sakes the building is stopped.
29 Except therefore ye shall make haste to do well, the tower shall be finished, and ye shall be shut out of it.
30 And after he had thus spoken with me, he rose up from the bed and departed, taking the shepherd and virgins with him.
31 Howbeit he said unto me that he would send back the shepherd and virgins unto my house. Amen.