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Biblical stupidity part 41

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Among them:

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”
― Epicurus

-Matthew 27:55 And many women were there beholding afar off, which followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering unto him:

-Mark 15:40 There were also women looking on afar off: among whom was Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James the less and of Joses, and Salome;

-Luke 23:49 And all his acquaintance, and the women that followed him from Galilee, stood afar off,beholding these things.

(The women looked on from afar.)

-John 19:25 Now there stood by the cross of Jesus his mother, and his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Cleophas,and Mary Magdalene.26 When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son!

(The women were near enough that Jesus could speak to his mother.)

-Matthew 27:62 Now the next day, that followed the day of the preparation, the chief priests and Pharisees came together unto Pilate,63 Saying, Sir, were member that that deceiver said, while he was yet alive, After three days I will rise again.64 Command therefore that the sepulchre be made sure until the third day, lest hisdisciples come by night, and steal him away, and say unto the people, He is risen from the dead: so the last error shall be worse than the first.65 Pilate said unto them, Ye have a watch: go your way, make it as sure as ye can.66 So they went,and made the sepulchre sure, sealing the stone, and setting a watch.

(A guard was placed at the tomb, the day following the burial).

-Mark 15:42 And now when theeven was come, because it was the preparation, that is, the day before the sabbath,

-Mark 16:8 And they went out quickly, and fled from the sepulchre; for they trembled and were amazed: neither said they any thing to any man; for they were afraid.

-Luke 23:50 And, behold, there was a man named Joseph, a counsellor; and he was a good man, and a just:51 (The same had not consented to the counsel and deed of them;) he was of Arimathaea, a city of the Jews: who also himself waited for the kingdom of God.52 This man went untoPilate, and begged the body of Jesus.53 And he took it down, and wrapped it in linen, and laid it in a sepulchre that was hewn instone, wherein never man before was laid.54 And that day was the preparation, and the sabbath drew on.55 And the women also, which came with him from Galilee, followed after, and beheld the sepulchre, and how his body was laid.56 And they returned, and prepared spices and ointments; and rested the sabbath day according to the commandment.

-John 19:38 And after this Joseph of Arimathaea, being a disciple of Jesus, but secretly for fear of theJews, besought Pilate that he might take away the body of Jesus: and Pilate gave him leave. He came therefore, and took the body of Jesus.39 And there came also Nicodemus, which at the first came to Jesus by night, and brought a mixture of myrrh and aloes, about an hundred pound weight.40 Then took they the body of Jesus, and wound it in linen clothes with the spices, as the manner of the Jews is to bury.41 Now in the place where he was crucified there was a garden; and in the garden a new sepulchre,wherein was never man yet laid.42 There laid theyJesus therefore because of the Jews’ preparation day; for the sepulchre was nigh at hand.

(No guard is mentioned. This is important since rumor had it that Jesus’ body was stolen and the Resurrection feigned.)

-Mark 16:1 And when the sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James, and Salome, had bought sweet spices, that they might come and anoint him.2 And very early in the morning the first day of the week, they came unto the sepulchre at the rising of the sun.3 And they said among themselves, Who shall roll us away the stone from the door of the sepulchre?

-Luke 24:1 Now upon the first day of the week, very early in the morning, they came unto the sepulchre, bringing the spices which they had prepared, and certain otherswith them

(There could not have been a guard, as far as the women were concerned, since they were planning to enter the tomb with spices. Though the women were aware of the stone, they were obviously unaware of a guard.)

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Another lettuce recall

Romaine lettuce is unsafe to eat in any form, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said today in a broad alert in response to a new outbreak of illnesses caused by a particularly dangerous type of E. coli contamination.

The CDC told consumers to throw away any romaine lettuce they may already have purchased. Restaurants should not serve it, stores should not sell it, and people should not buy it, no matter where or when the lettuce was grown. It doesn’t matter if it is chopped, whole head or part of a mix. All romaine should be avoided.

The CDC alert, issued just two days before Americans sit down for their Thanksgiving dinners, reported that 32 people in 11 states have become sick from eating contaminated romaine. Of those, 13 have been hospitalized, with one patient suffering from a form of kidney failure. No deaths have been reported.

The origin of the outbreak is unknown and remains under investigation. The CDC did not limit the warning to romaine from any particular agricultural area. f00000

Beware of bad advice

There are a million little things to worry about getting right if you’re cooking Thanksgiving dinner this year, but this is one you don’t want to mess up: Rinsing a raw turkey could spread more bacteria than it would get rid of it.

It sounds counterintuitive, because you might want to give the old bird a little wash-off before its big moment, but washing an uncooked turkey can splash pathogens, like salmonella, onto other kitchen surfaces, according to the United States Department of Agriculture. And therefore can lead to serious food-borne illnesses.

Turkey MUST BE WASHED inside out with limes or lemons, then rinsed with cold water. Only then can you pat dry. It would be absolutely stupid to only pat dry a turkey with paper towel; all the commercial turkeys are soaked in chlorine during processing.

Biblical stupidity part 40

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Among them:

What is it you most dislike? Stupidity, especially in its nastiest forms of racism and superstition.” (Christopher Hitchens)

Matthew 27:11 And Jesus stood before the governor: and the governor asked him, saying, Art thou the King of the Jews? And Jesus said unto him, Thou sayest.12 And when he was accused of the chief priests and elders, he answered nothing.13 Then said Pilate unto him, Hearest thou not how many things they witness against thee?14 And he answered him to never a word; insomuch that the governor marvelled greatly.

(Jesus answers not a single charge at his hearing before Pilate.)

-John 18:33 Then Pilate entered into the judgment hall again, and called Jesus, and said unto him, Art thou the King of the Jews?34 Jesus answered him, Sayest thou this thing of thyself, or did others tell it thee of me?35 Pilate answered, Am I a Jew? Thine own nation and the chief priests have delivered thee unto me: what hast thou done?36 Jesus answered, My kingdom is not of this world: if my kingdom were of this world, then would my servants fight, that I should not be delivered to the Jews: but now is my kingdom not from hence.37 Pilate therefore said unto him, Art thou a king then? Jesus answered, Thou sayest that I am a king. To this end was I born, and for this cause came I into the world, that I should bear witness unto the truth. Every one that is of the truth heareth my voice.

(Jesus answers all charges at his hearing before Pilate.

-Matthew 27:28 And they stripped him, and put on him a scarlet robe.

(Jesus is given a scarlet robe, a sign of infamy).

-Mark 15:17 And they clothed him with purple, and platted a crown of thorns, and put it about his head,

-John 19:2 And the soldiers platted a crown of thorns, and put it on his head, and they put on him a purple robe,

(Jesus is given a purple robe, a sign of royalty).

-Matthew 27:46 And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?47 Some of them that stood there, when they heard that, said, This man calleth for Elias.48 And straightway one of them ran, and took a spunge, and filled it with vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink.49 The rest said, Let be, let us see whether Elias will come to save him.50 Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost.

-Mark 15:34 And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?35 And some of them that stood by, when they heard it, said, Behold, he calleth Elias.36 And one ran and filled a spunge full of vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink, saying, Let alone; let us see whether Elias will come to take him down.37 And Jesus cried with a loud voice, and gave up the ghost.

(Jesus’ last recorded words are: “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”)

-Luke 23:46 And when Jesus had cried with a loud voice, he said, Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit: and having said thus, he gave up the ghost.

(Jesus’ last recorded words are: “Father, into thy hands I commit my spirit.”)

-John 19:30 When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.

(Jesus’ last recorded words are: “It is finished.”)

-Matthew 27:48 And straightway one of them ran, and took a spunge, and filled it with vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink.

-Luke 23:36 And the soldiers also mocked him, coming to him, and offering him vinegar,

-John 19:29 Now there was set a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a spunge with vinegar, and put it upon hyssop, and put it to his mouth.

(Jesus was offered vinegar to drink.)

-Mark 15:23 And they gave him to drink wine mingled with myrrh: but he received it not.

(Jesus was offered wine and myrrh, and Jesus did not drink it.)

-John 19:29 Now there was set a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a spunge with vinegar, and put it upon hyssop, and put it to his mouth.30 When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.

(Whatever it was, Jesus did drink it.)

-Matthew 27:54 Now when the centurion, and they that were with him, watching Jesus, saw the earthquake, and those things that were done, they feared greatly, saying, Truly this was the Son of God.

(The centurion says: “Truly this was the son of God.”)

-Luke 23:47 Now when the centurion saw what was done, he glorified God, saying, Certainly this was a righteous man.

(The centurion says: “Truly this man was innocent” or “righteous”).

Thanksgiving is coming

From the FWC: Thanksgiving is a favorite holiday for all who cherish its traditions involving friends, family and food. Some love preparing dishes from recipes that have been passed down through the generations. Others enjoy experimenting with new flavors. An interesting culinary trend is using organic ingredients, and serving wild turkey for Thanksgiving is a delicious, clean-eating option.

“Florida’s abundant wild turkey populations can provide the ultimate locally-sourced, organic Thanksgiving feast when knowledge, skill and good fortune come together for a successful hunt,” said Chef Justin Timineri, executive chef and culinary ambassador for Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services. “We’ve developed several mouthwatering wild turkey recipes for the big day and ways to serve leftovers using a variety of Fresh from Florida products.”

Wild turkey is a tasty and versatile protein. Fresh from Florida chefs adapted several recipes to use wild turkey ranging from Tikka Masala, an Indian dish traditionally served with chicken, to wild turkey quesadillas and wild turkey cottage pie (a take on shepherd’s pie). Because wild turkey meat is low in fat, techniques for cooking them differ from domestic birds, and the Fresh from Florida chefs provide recipes and tips on how to prepare tender, juicy meals.

From the USDA: 3 Days Until Thanksgiving! USDA’s Guide to Hosting a Bacteria-Free Dinner. The day of the event, you’ll want to start with a clean kitchen and serving area.

  • Campylobacter and Salmonella, bacteria found in poultry products, have been shown to survive on countertops and other kitchen surfaces for up to four and 32 hours, respectively. This can pose a health risk if the contaminated surfaces are not adequately cleaned and sanitized.
  • Wipe down your counters and tables with hot soapy water. Have plenty of wash cloths, paper towels and dish towels available.

Recent USDA research found that participants failed to wash their hands properly 97 percent of the time when cooking! Without proper handwashing, well-intentioned cooks, servers and guests can quickly spread bacteria around your meal.

The study also found that a majority of consumers spread bacteria to at least one kitchen item or surface while preparing a meal – and 48 percent contaminated spice containers! Be sure to wash your hands before and after handling raw turkey, especially when seasoning the bird. Wipe down and sanitize anything in the kitchen that may have come into contact with raw meat and poultry. Use separate sets of cutting boards and knives – one for raw meat or poultry and one for produce or ready-to-eat foods.

Thanksgiving is just another day when I will choose between pastured lamb or  goat, wild boar, turkey or deer, or settle for Muscovy duck.

Biblical stupidity part 39

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Among them:

“The Bible may, indeed does, contain a warrant for trafficking in humans, for ethnic cleansing, for slavery, for bride-price, and for indiscriminate massacre, but we are not bound by any of it because it was put together by crude, uncultured human mammals.” (Christopher Hitchens)

-Matthew 26:71 And when he was gone out into the porch, another maid saw him, and said unto them that were there, This fellow was also with Jesus of Nazareth.72 And again he denied with an oath, I do not know the man.

(Peter’s second denial is to another maid.)

-Mark 14:69 And a maid saw him again, and began to say to them that stood by, This is one of them.70 And he denied it again. And a little after, they that stood by said again to Peter, Surely thou art one of them: for thou art a Galilaean, and thy speech agreeth thereto.

(Peter’s second denial is apparently to the same maid.)

-Luke 22:58 And after a little while another saw him, and said, Thou art also of them. And Peter said, Man, I am not.

(Peter’s second denial is to a man, not a maid.)

-John 18:25 And Simon Peter stood and warmed himself. They said therefore unto him, Art not thou also one of his disciples? He denied it, and said, I am not.

(Peter’s second denial is to more than one, “they.”)

-Matthew 27:3 Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders,4 Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And they said, What is that to us? see thou to that.5 And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself.6 And the chief priests took the silver pieces, and said, It is not lawful for to put them into the treasury, because it is the price of blood.7 And they took counsel, and bought with them the potter’s field, to bury strangers in.

(The chief priests bought the field.)

-Acts 1:16 Men and brethren, this scripture must needs have been fulfilled, which the Holy Ghost by the mouth of David spake before concerning Judas, which was guide to them that took Jesus.17 For he was numbered with us, and had obtained part of this ministry.18 Now this man purchased a field with the reward of iniquity; and falling headlong, he burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out.19 And it was known unto all the dwellers at Jerusalem; insomuch as that field is called in their proper tongue, Aceldama, that is to say, The field of blood.

(Judas bought the field.)

-Matthew 27:5 And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself.

(Judas threw down the pieces of silver, then departed.)

-Acts 1:18 Now this man purchased a field with the reward of iniquity; and falling headlong, he burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out.

(Judas used the coins to buy the field.)

-Matthew 27:5 And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself.

(Judas hanged himself.)

– Acts 1:18 Now this man purchased a field with the reward of iniquity; and falling headlong, he burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out.

(Judas fell headlong, burst open, and his bowels gushed out.)

Biblical stupidity part 38

There are 7427 blatant absurdities in the bible. Among them:

(Jesus made crippled people see, and the blind people walk.)

-Deuteronomy 28:27 The LORD will smite thee with the botch of Egypt, and with the emerods, and with the scab, and with the itch, whereof thou canst not be healed.

-1 Samuel 5:6 But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.

-1 Samuel 5:9 And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.

(God is a pain in the ass. If you ever develop hemorrhoids, then you can trust the Bible that God is mad at you.)

-Malachi 2:2 If ye will not hear, and if ye will not lay it to heart, to give glory unto my name, saith the LORD of hosts, I will even send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings: yea, I have cursed them already, because ye do not lay it to heart.3 Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.

 (God has a fecal fetish.)

-Genesis 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

-Genesis 4:1 And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the LORD.2 And she again bare his brother Abel. And Abel was a keeper of sheep, but Cain was a tiller of the ground.

-Genesis 4:17 And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch: and he builded a city, and called the name of the city, after the name of his son, Enoch.

(Since Eve came from Adam and due to God’s edict to “be fruitful and multiply,” this describes the first incestual relationship.

In Genesis 4:17, one must infer incest because Cain would have had to have sex with his own mother, Eve, who was the only woman at the time.

For other examples of Biblical incest see Genesis 20:12 where Abraham married his half-sister Sarah; Genesis 19:30-38 where Lot’s daughters had intercourse with him; Genesis 38:16 where Tamar had sex with her father-in-law Judah.

Today’s incestuous abuses occur in Christian families which use Biblical scripture for its justification.)

-1 Kings 14:10 Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone.

(If God brings evil, then what makes him different from Satan?)

-1 Kings 16:11 And it came topass, when he began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, that he slew allthe house of Baasha: he left him not one that pisseth against a wall, neitherof his kinsfolks, nor of his friends.

-1 Kings 21:21 Behold, I will bring evil upon thee, and will take away thy posterity, and will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel,

-2 Kings 9:8 For the whole house of Ahab shall perish: and I will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel:

(Is pissing on a wall, a deadly sin?)

-Deuteronomy 23:1 He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.2 A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD.

(According to the Bible, and regardless of his righteousness, but just because he lacks a penis or receives an injury to his testicles, a man should never enter a Church or Temple.

Also bad news for a bastard: someone born out of wedlock. Let’s say a woman is raped and gives birth. Well, the kid should, according to the Bible, never enter the Lord’s congregation.

Which brings us to aninteresting find: the bastard Jesus broke God’s law whenever he stepped into a Temple. Do you suppose God crucified for this reason?)